Please help me correct my writing. Thanks a lot.

Question

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.AnswerThe pie charts illustrate the fundamental reasons that people came and left the UK in 2007. Overall, it is clear that the main reason people immigrate and migration is employment. A large number of people, 30% immigrated to the UK for a definite job and this figure is similar for emigration, at 29%.  Looking for a job accounted for less than a quarter, 22% of migration, though the percentage of immigrants for this purpose was lower at 12%. Over a quarter of immigrants moved to the UK for education was another major factor. By contrast, only a small fraction, 4% emigrants left the UK for this reason. The percentage of residents moving to join a family member shows a similar fraction at 15% for immigrants and 13% for emigrants. Other reasons for migration to and from the UK are 11% and 14% respectively. No reason for migration from the UK accounted for 18% meanwhile a very small number, 6% for immigrants moving due to this purpose.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The (How many are there?) pie charts illustrate (wrong word) the fundamental reasons that people came and left the UK in 2007. (The reader has no clue as to what is on these pie charts. You need to write the first paragraph so the reader can visualize the charts.

In your first paragraph, you need to tell the reader e

In your first paragraph, you need to tell the reader exactly what is on the chart. You have not described this in mathematical terms. Look at my example. It gives describes the charts and what they contain. The reader can then know exactly what the charts look like.)

Example:
The two pie charts, one for emigration and the other for immigration, give the percentage of people who moved to and from the UK in 2007 for one of four explicit main reasons. These were education, to search for a job, to take a job, and to join or accompany another person. In addition, there are two other categories shown, a fraction who declined to give a reason, and another fraction who gave a reason different from these four.

Overall, more than a quarter came to the UK for education, but that was the main reason for only 4% of those who left. About the same proportion entered or left to take a job, about 30%. Half left for work-related reasons, with a smaller proportion entering for taking a job or seeking one.

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ the main reason people immigrate and migration (wrong word) is employment. (How do you know this? What is the source of this information?)

A large number of people, 30% immigrated to the UK for a definite job and this figure is similar for emigration, at 29%. Looking for a job accounted for less than a quarter, 22% of migration, though the percentage of immigrants for this purpose was lower at 12%. Over a quarter of immigrants moved to the UK for education was another major factor. (ungrammatical sentence. You have two verbs - moved and was, but the subjects are unclear.) By contrast, only a small fraction, 4% emigrants left the UK for this reason.

The percentage of residents (incorrect. immigrants are not residents. They are moving in to become a resident.) moving to join a family member shows a similar fraction at 15% for immigrants and 13% for emigrants. Other reasons for migration to and from the UK are 11% and 14% respectively. No reason for migration from the UK accounted for 18% (You said that they moved for no reason at all. That is not correct.) meanwhile a very small number, 6% for immigrants moving due to this purpose.

Please help me correct my writing. Thanks a lot.

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