Please Help Me Correct my Run Off Sentences

Question

The funniest incident that happened to me was when I was getting a hair cut. I sneezed, and my mother accidentally cut off my sideburns. I remember the expression on my face when I saw I had no sideburns I wanted to cry. My mother had to cut all my hair off I was bald, my mother, and I laughed a lot about the incident, then I went to put a hat on. It will always be in my memories sometimes when I brush my hair, I remember that incident, and I just laugh because it was hilarious.

(How could I make this paragraph better and more interesting?)

(Are the details interesting?)

(Is it in order?)

(Thank you in advance.)

Clive · Accepted Answer

You have two sideburns, one one on either side of your head.

I can see how a sneeze would cause her to cut off one, but I cant' see it causing her to cut off two.

Here is a photo of one famous sideburn.

https://www.google.com/search?q=photos+of+elvis&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi1stfh68XoAhUVVs0KHZjdD30Q7Al6BAgKEFA&biw=1704&bih=938#imgrc=tqX4OUtCVtJSDM

Teechr · Answer

GrammarisnessaryThe funniest incident that happened to me was when I was getting a haircut. I sneezed, and my mother accidentally cut off my left/right sideburn. I remember the expression on my face when I saw I had no sideburn. [ 1] I wanted to cry. My mother had to cut all my hair off. [ 1] I was bald. [ 1] my mother and I laughed a lot about the incident, [ 2] and then I went to put a hat on. It I will always remember that incident ~~be in my memories sometimes~~ whenever I brush my hair. [ 1] I remember that incident, and I just laugh because it was hilarious.

[ 1]: Those were run-on sentences.

[ 2]: That was also a run-on sentence, but in this case, it made sense to use a coordination conjunction "and" to fix it, instead of using a full stop (period).

Please Help Me Correct my Run Off Sentences

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