Please help me correct my Ielts writing task 2 . Thank you very much.

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of the duties that have to be done by governments is enhancing citizens’ health conditions to the largest extent. However, some people think that public money should be spent on raising awareness of healthy living conditions to prevent illness rather than using it to pay for patients’ remedy costs. I partially agree with both viewpoints since they all have their benefits.

It is the governments’ job to make sure everyone is equal especially when it comes to a person’s rights such as health and education. Because of that, governments can use some methods to promote a healthy lifestyle. Firstly, governments can use their authorities to take some measures to stimulate society to kick their detrimental habits and make them get used to new beneficial ones. As a result, they would be more productive while working or studying, which will greatly contribute to the prosper of a nation. This could also reduce the stress on the healthcare systems as fewer people have diseases such as diabetes.

On the contrary, I strongly believe that the authorities should also provide adequate subsidies for the treatment of people who already have diseases. First of all, as a citizen, they have the right to receive proper healthcare as they also contribute to the state revenue by paying taxes. If a person has worked hard and does their duties by their countries, they should be given some help from the government when he is sick. Besides, it would be inhumane to ignore ill people, especially to whom suffer from life-threatening situations.

In conclusion, it is necessary for governments to encourage people to follow a healthy lifestyle, but it is by no means ignoring those who in desperate need of treatment.