Please help me correct my ielts writing task 2

Topic: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The role of teaching children how to be the well-mannered members of society belongs to the parent. Others, however, believe that school should do Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.
My essay:

Nowadays, many people are of the opinion that teaching children should be the teachers’ responsibility. However, many people argue that it is the parent who should take that responsibility. In this essay we will discuss both views before jumping to any conclusion.

On the one hand, it is the parents whom the children spend most time with before coming to school. Therefore, main duty of every parents is guiding their kids to become well-mannered citizens. It means that parents is the one who have to teach their child good manners , including respect for others and sympathy. Moreover, parents act as mirror for their children to follow. Therefore, they have to very careful as every parental movements can affect directly to behaviors of their kids. For instances, if fathers and mothers constantly argued with each other in front of the children, as a result , they will become very hot tempered when growing up.

On the other hand, schools also play crucial roles in shaping the children’ behavior. In the school, the children will learn their first lessons to coop with their friends-whom they haven’t met before. This will teach them about solidarity and respect of others strangers. Moreover, they will learn to oblige the rules of the society- the school’s rules or policies to be particular. In additions, schools act as a small society, in which the children have to learn every thing such as social norm, making friends and foster relationships between them with teachers or friends, develop social skills through some specific activities In conclusion, there should be a joint responsibility between the teachers and parents as they can not be alternative with each other.