Please help me correct my ielts writing task 2

Topic: As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

Along with making money, there is a strong belief that companies need to put their effort into contributing to the community too. And I totally agree with this fact.

To begin with, cooperation that does not pay attention to social responsibilities will soon become a dead one. Treating the employees well is one of the social obligations. Simple actions such as paying a living wage with a bonus, and increasing the working conditions will keep them continuing to work and attract more young people to apply to the company. Staffs are one of the main factors which can directly affect the development of a business. If we use them as a tool, soon or later they will leave and find another better place.

On top of that, it is clearly that the customers are also the key to the success of every company. Being able to keep the customers is already a part of success. There is a rising trend that customers will pay a higher price for the product which is associated with social or environmental causes. To be clearly, customers tend to be passionate about companies which have apparently social missions. For example, cooperation that run a lot of charity or sell product which the purpose to help orphan tends to draw 50% more buyers than those one which does not.

In brief, social obligations also need to be a priority along with making money. A company that only pay attention to earning will soon be closed.