Please help me correct my ielts writing task 2

My topic:

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:

With a flourish in the medical category, humans can live a very comfortable life, especially the elderly, who can extend their lifespan and live a healthy life with medical support systems. However, this will lead to a surge in the number of old people in society, which will be a burden for the government. In this essay, I will discuss the reason and give solutions to overcome it.

On the one hand, increasing life expectancy is a blessing. as people can live longer and have more time to pursue their dreams. But numerous senior citizens will hinder the development of a society. To be precise, the government has to pay a lot of money to support the medical system that takes care of them. Let me clarify, in average, a man will stop working at the age of 65. and he will be under the senior citizen category, then he can receive a small amount of money from the government called a "pension" per month. Take USA for example, as their politics, the people can get medical treatment for free as long as they have bought the insurance, however, in the 2019 Covid Pandemic, the government have to spend 150 billions dollar in order to cure the infected people, mostly the elderly one.

On the other hand, several solutions are being looked into to solve this problem. First and foremost, it is delegating responsibility to a family member. The government should stop spending money on the pension scheme and use that money for other vital sections. Secondly, the government should take steps to encourage the retired people to do teaching jobs, such as guiding the youth to sharpen their skills. For example, instead of quitting their jobs, those who have reached retirement age can stay at the company and become a mentor or teacher to guide the new members of the company.

In conclusion, with numerous old people in the society can be either a stress or blessing. But luckily, thought-provoking ideas have come up, such as transferring the responsibility to the family and keeping the former company's employee to do teaching work, which seems efficient.