Please help me correct my ielts writing task 1 essay

Hello, I have only 50 days left until my Ielts exam, please help me correct the task 1 essay below:

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The line graphs show the average monthly amount of money spent by parents in Britain on their children's sporting activities and the number of British children who took part in 3 types of sports from 2008 to 2014. It's clear there was a significant increase in the amount of money spent on children's sports over the period shown. Among 3 sports, football was the most popular type of sport. In 2008, about an average of 20 pounds were spent on children's sports per month. This figure rose gradually to over 30 pounds in the year 2014, an increase of more than 10 pounds. Looking at the second chart, we can see that there were only about 1 million and 2 million children took part in athletics and swimming activities respectively, while the figure for football was about 8 million. From 2010 to 2014, while the participation of British children in football remained relatively stable, there was a slight increase of around 1,5 million in the number of children going swimming. The number of children doing athletics peaked at 5 million in 2012 before it fell slightly in 2014. Thank you very much! <3