Please Help Me Correct My IELTS Writing Essay.

Dear teacher,

Firstly many thanks to your feedback.

----

Write about the following topic:

In the past, more people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.

What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge and experience.

---

In comparison with the past, modern life has many different things. One of them is the size of community. In the old days, there were advantages and disadvantages when living in a small community.

I think there were three benefits. Firstly, people have close-knit relationships. They work, relax, talk, play... together. They can meet others daily. Therefore, they can support each other. Secondly, their life is more simple and peaceful. They don't have traffic jam, noisy sounds... and the crime rate is short. For example, despite the small roads, vehicles move smoothly. Thirdly, environment is protected well than modern life. Because of living in small community, garbage is little and industry improve weakly, therefore, air is fresh than industrial life.

In my point of view, the main disadvantage is unemployment. The smaller community is, the more unemployment is. In small community, economic is puny. Therefore, it does not create work for citizen in its community and everyone do primarily traditional jobs. Because of poor economic, education, medicine,... are unsupplied for everyone. The result of this is epidemic and illiteracy.

In my opinion, there were more advantages because close-knit community and fresh habitat are extremely significant. We need more love than money!