Please Help Me Correct My IELTS Essay Task II
TOPIC: Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Nowadays, the importance of money and time can’t reach the balance point when putting on scale. Some people claim that life would be worthy to be wealthy and have limited leisure time rather than possessing a large amount of free time without having deep pockets while others suggest the opposite view. Although I am in favor of the former opinion, I would discuss both ideas on this essay.
On the one hand, people hold the view that most of our time should focus on enjoying life instead of earning for living. There is a widespread belief that money cannot buy happiness. For this reason, being immersed in the wheel of making for living distracts people from the other precious values such as relationship, passion and emotional state in general. For instance, nowadays, children often experience the feeling of isolation and depression in their own house due to parent’s ignorance and inconsiderateness which stem from lacking of spare time. They are up to neck in their workload and put aside little time to nurture sentiments among members of family.
Notwithstanding, on the other hand, I take the importance of finance more heavily than time. To begin with, it cannot be denied that money plays an indispensible role in our life. Money provides comforts and other assets which even when having endless available amount of time, we are not able to afford. Besides, restricted source of free time will make it more treasured. Evidently, in comparison with resting all along the week, relaxation at weekend is more meaningful and satisfied. If we possess too much time without being aware of how to deal with it, time is throwaway.
In conclusion, there are both persuasive arguments for and against this issue. However, it is my firm conviction that owing more money would help your free time spent more valuable and purposeful in spite of in a short period.
Top answer
Nowadays, the importance of money and time can’t reach the balance point when putting on scale. Some people claim that life would be worthy to be wealthy and have limited leisure time rather than possessing a large amount of free time without having deep pockets while others suggest the opposite view. Although I am in favor of the former opinion, I will discuss both ideas on this essay.
- Nowadays, the importance of money and time can’t reach the balance point when putting on scale.
- Some people claim that life would be worthy to be wealthy and have limited leisure time rather than possessing a large amount of free time without having deep pockets while others suggest the opposite view.
- Although I am in favor of the former opinion, I will discuss both ideas on this essay.
- (The first two sentences of you paragraph are poor, unnatural English.
- You are trying to use some idiomatic expressions, but your knowledge of them is not good enough.
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Nowadays, the importance of money and time can’t reach the balance point when putting on scale. Some people claim that life would be worthy to be wealthy and have limited leisure time rather than possessing a large amount of free time without having deep pockets while others suggest the opposite view. Although I am in favor of the former opinion, I will discuss both ideas on this essay.
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