Please help me correct my IELTS essay..

Topic: The importance of family in maintaining a good quality of life

Answer: Family, which is accounted the basis of the society, plays a vital role in maintaining a rewarding quality of life.

Obviously, the emergence of family grants people a consistent support. When a baby is given birth, he has already owned a family. He is brought up with sufficient, even abundant, conditions, such as warm clothes and nutritional food. Since he lives with his family, he is strongly influenced by other members in his family, including his parents and siblings. He receives all conceptions, thoughts from people surrounding, especially, the way he behaves towards others deeply depends on others'. In other words, that baby insists on imitating evey action of people that he contacts with instinctively. As the baby progresses, his personality is shaped relying on his relatives'. For instance, an adult who is basically short-tempered, has clearly been influenced by the impatience of at least one of the family members. Or the reason inducing the paternalism in a man that he takes his very own family for granted is that during his childhood, he probably witnessed his father's deplorable reaction towards his mother. These effects from family really determine whether the perspective family is full of happiness or not. Because the feature of generations is repetitive, the more unhappiness a person used to suffer, the more negativity he will impose on his future family.

In conclusion, if we desire to have a commendable quality of life, we must adjust the way a family has influence on a person.