Please help me correct my IELTS essay!

Topic: In the future, it seems it will bemore difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people argue that more financial resources should be allocated to space missions to find new habitable environments for the human because Earth is becoming more and more unsustainable. I completely disagree with this view.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons which are resulting in the increasing harsh living conditions on our planet. First, one obvious problem we might face in the future is the depletion of natural resources as they are being over-exploited in the long term. If the extraction of fossil fuel such as gas and oil to satisfy growing energy demands continues to increase, these resources will ultimately run out, and we can not maintain production and transportation. Another concern is the rising level of pollution in the world as a result of the production process. For example, the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste of the Formosa steel company caused the serious environmental degradation, totally killing the marine ecosystem.

On the other hand, I believe that investing in missions to space is a waste of money. Firstly, the cost of training astronauts and allied staffs involved space programs and also equipment and facilities is extremely expensive. However, most of space missions fail altogether costing astronauts their lives. In my opinion, they are not worth the risk. These funds, instead, should be used to raise the living standards through providing better health services and education. Secondly, the budgets also should be spent on finding practical solutions for the environmental issues such as environmentally-friendly engines. For example, with technological advances recently, some modern means of transport are able to run on hydrogen, which is considered as a renewable energy source. This will reduce dramatically greenhouse gases and also our dependent on fossil fuel.

In conclusion, I believe that the search for new places to colonize should be given a low priority, and all valuable resources should be focused on protecting our green planet and making it more sustainable.

Thanks!