Please help me correct my essay

Question

Topic: The maps below show the changes of an island. Summarise informations by selecting and reporting the main ideas and make comparison where revlevant.

my essay:

The two given maps indicate the same island with a beach located in the west and a lot palm trees dotted around the landscape. Overall, the whole island was turned into a manmade resort.

The first map illustrates the island before the changes. A beautiful landcape with lots of palm trees grew wildly on around the island. An amazing desolate beach located in the west of the island. As can be seen from the map, the true owner of the island at this time were the wild-growing palw trees.

The second map shows the changes of the island after it has been conquered by the human beings. The most remarkable change of the island is a complex of a resort, including two blocks of accomodations were built in circle. The smaller block consists of six buildings connected with each other by a footpath leading to a swimming zone. At the center of the island is a reception connected located between a pier and a restaurant, connected with each other by a vihicle track. The pier plays a vital role as a entrance gate serving the costumers who come to this beautiful holiday resort by luxury yachts.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hung2003Topic: The maps below show the changes of an island. Summarise informations by selecting and reporting the main ideas and make comparison where revlevant.

Please copy the instructions accurately. It will be a good practice for you.

In task 1, you are supposed to describe a figure or table. It can be a graph, bar chart, pie chart, process diagram or table. You are supposed to describe it accurately and dispassionately for a university professor, and make no conclusions or interpretations. Write about the main features, make comparisons, and then include some interesting details.

Write at least 150 words.

You previously posted an essay on this topic that had many mistakes. This essay is not good because you add your own opinions and conclusions that are not anywhere shown on the maps.

The two ~~given~~ maps indicate (wrong word. ) the same island with a beach located in the west and a lot palm trees dotted around the landscape. Overall, the whole island was turned into a ~~manmade~~ resort.

The first map illustrates the island before the changes. A beautiful landcape (opinion. It is your opinion that this is beautiful, so inappropriate for Task 1) with lots of palm trees grew wildly on ~~around~~ the island. An amazing desolate (These are opinion words. Do not use opinion words in Task 1) beach located in the west of the island. ~~As can be seen from the map~~, (You did not read my Task 1 advice.) the true owner (That is not on the map. There is no indication of who owns this island.) of the island at this time were the wild-growing palw trees.

The second map shows the changes of the island after it has been conquered (Inappropriate word) by the human beings. (Not an appropriate word.) The most remarkable change of the island is a ~~complex of a~~ resort complex, including two blocks of accomodations were built in circle. (Ungrammatical. You are missing a relative pronoun) The smaller block consists of six buildings connected with each other by a footpath leading to a swimming zone. At the center of the island is a reception connected located (Ungrammatical) between a pier and a restaurant, connected with each other by a vihicle track. The pier plays a vital role as a entrance gate (That is not on the map. It is a conclusion, opinion or interpretation.) serving the costumers (A costumer is a person who makes clothing for actors to wear in the theater.) who come to this beautiful holiday resort (Inappropriate - opinion. ) by luxury yachts.

Model essay:

The first map shows an uninhabited small low-lying island about 230 meters long (east-west) by 50 to 80 meters wide (north-south). The second map shows the island after its development.

The undeveloped island has a small beach on the western end, and a site suitable for a pier on the south side. There are a few palm trees growing, but otherwise, the island is empty.

After development, many visitor facilities can be seen. There is a pier for small boats to dock and discharge passengers and supplies. The reception building is about twenty meters from the pier, and behind it, perhaps ten meters, a restaurant. To the east and west of the reception, there are accommodations, in the form of huts. The east section has nine huts, and the west has five. There are footpaths leading between all the huts, the beach, the restaurant and reception, and a circular vehicular track around the reception building leading to the pier. The swimming beach is closer to the west section. The eastern end of the island has not been developed.

Please help me correct my essay

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