Please help me correct my essay.

Hi, there. I am going to take the toefl test soon and I would like to ask for your help with my grammar. Please help me proofread the essay. Do you think the essay is cohesive and how about the beginning and ending? Many thanks.

Do you agree with the following statement ? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Travelling is one of leisure activities that I would like to do when I have my free time. There are many ways to travel such as travelling by yourself or travelling in a group led by a tour guide. In my opinion, I do not agree with the statement that is “the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide” for these reasons.

Firstly, travelling in a group led by a tour guide usually has a schedule, in other words, there is a list of places or attractions where we have to go in one day. This will lead to a time constraint. For example, when I traveled in group to China, there were many places to visit in one day. Consequently, I had only an hour to visit a stunning palace. I did not have enough time to walk around the palace. However, if I had traveled by myself, I would have enough time to explore this palace.

Secondly, when you travel by your own, you can choose the places where you would like to visit. On the other hand, you cannot if you travel in a group led by a tour guide. For instance, regarding my China trip, the tour guide who led my group took tour members including me to a jade factory in order that we could learn how to make accessories from jade. However, more importantly, if we bought something from the factory, I think, the tour guide would be paid for that. I would like to spend my precious time wandering around the palce instead.

These are the reasons supporting my answer. To me, I think that the best way to travel is to travel by yourself.