Please help me check this task 1 essay! Thank you!!

Question

Topic 5: The table shows the proportion of female and male aged 15 and aged 75 from 1911 to 2011 in the UK. The given table compares the numbers of 15-year-old girls and boys as well as those of the two genders aged 75 in three years (1911,1961 and 2011) in Britain.Overall, there was a downtrend in the percentage of teenagers aged 15, while the number of seniors who were 75 experienced a slightly increase. In addition, the proportion of females aged 75 was much higher than that of males at the same age.To be specific, in the period of a century, boys aged 15 saw a rise in the number, from 334.241 to 354.400. The opposite was seen for girls, as the number of 15-year-olds decreased from 335.730 in 1911 and finished with 333.700 in 2011.In the first haft of 100 years, the figure for women aged 75 dramatically increased and reached a peak in 1961 with 254.900 people, but then declined to 210.100 in year 2011. The other gender, did not see any drop during the same period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Why don't you fix the mistakes in your previous essays? You will learn far more by understanding your mistakes and how to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/WritingTaskCheckCorrect/bncqdx/post.htm

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/WritingTaskCheckEssay/bndpdh/post.htm

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/CouldTaskEssayThank/bndwrd/post.htm

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/PleaseTaskEssayThankssss/bndhrz/post.htm

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/WritingTaskCheckCorrect/bncqdx/post.htm

The ~~given~~ (You consistently make this same mistake!) table compares the numbers of 15-year-old girls and boys as well as those of the two genders aged 75 in three years (1911,1961 and 2011) in the UK. ~~Britain~~. (It is an awkward sentence. Why do you use boys/girls but not men/women? The chart caption did not say "Britain.")

Model Sentences:

The table shows selected demographic data for the UK, namely the total population, the percentages and numbers of two age groups, 15-year-olds and 75-year-olds, which are further broken down by gender. The data are shown for three time points, 1991 (This is an error on the figure. It should be 1911.), 1961 and 2011.

Overall, there was a decline ~~downtrend~~ in the percentage of teenagers aged 15, while the number of seniors who were 75 experienced a slightly (wrong form, also wrong word. The increase was not "slight.") increase. In addition, the proportion of females aged 75 was much higher than that of males at the same age.

To be specific, in the period of a century, boys aged 15 saw a rise in the number, (wrong form) from 334.241 to 354.400. The opposite was seen for girls, as the number of 15-year-olds decreased from 335.730 in 1911 and finished with 333.700 in 2011.

In the first haft of 100 years, the figure for women aged 75 dramatically increased and reached a peak in 1961 with 254.900 people, but then declined to 210.100 in year 2011. The other gender, did not see any drop during the same period.

What about the total population?

Model paragraph on the 75-year-old age group. Note that you can impress the reader more by calculating relative percentage changes rather than just copying numbers from the table, and giving subjective descriptions.

The older age group had a dramatic increase in numbers over the century. The number of women more than quadrupled (47 thousand to 210 thousand, a factor of 4.4), and that of men more than quintupled (34 thousand to 181 thousand, a factor of 5.3). This contrasts with an overall population increase of 55%.  This age group represented less than 1% of the total population in 2011. Over the period, women consistently outnumbered men, but their proportions varied (59% in 1911, 61% in 1961 and 54% in 2011).

Please help me check this task 1 essay! Thank you!!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions