Please help me check this IELTS task 2 essay. Thank you

Topic: Parents often give children everything they ask for and do whatever they like. Is it good for children ? What are the consequences when they grow up ?

It is argued by some that children with fine upbringing should be those whose wishes are always granted by their parents. However, I believe that this over-indulgence would impede their personal growth and they are expected to experience certain repercussions in later adulthood.

Firstly, satisfying all children’s demand would make them fail to appreciate their parents’ arduous efforts to make ends meet to support the whole family. To put it another way, those with a wardrobe full of expensive fashionable clothes or a box packed with modern toys, if allowed to purchase more, will often think that almost everything is easy to achieve and money is easy to earn. Meanwhile, they just waste their parents’ precious salary on luxurious items and grow up leading an extravagant lifestyle with over-reliance on family’s supply and nurture. More seriously, those youngsters might embark on a career of burglary, robbery and other crimes commitment simply to make money to maintain their wasteful spending habit.

Secondly, allowing children to engage in whatever recreational activities is also a dangerous move of parents. The tangible consequence is that their limited time for necessary plans such as completing assignments and undergoing physical fitness would be dominated by useless activities, which contributes to bad academic performance at school. Children who play video games without parents’ control, for example, often keep their eyes continuously glued to screen waves and become computer addictive. Not only does this break their daily schedule but they can also end up with eye diseases and other health problems. Furthermore, indulged youngsters are more likely to show hot temper or experience confusion in making decisions, not to mention misconduct when they are at adulthood, since they are not taught professional etiquetes to take care of themselves and cope with difficulties.

In summary, there numerous detrimental effects on children’s development proving that parents should not pamper their offspring excessively.