Please help me check this essays, teacher

Dear Teacher,

Please help me check this essays, an IELTS writing task 2.

Thanks,

Topic : Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with highest marks, other say that they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

The role of higher education in the 21st century plays a big part in other aspects of our life, especially, having more opportunities for our future job. I would argue that people of every age should be free pass gate by the universities while the number of people believes that only those who gain a score of the possible result can enter the higher education This essay will discuss both points of view followed by a proper reason.

On the one hand, the universities only require outstanding students because these students are proofs of effort in studying. They have to pass the entrance exams to get the best score. Equally, If we include all of these cream of crop students, we can make an environment of industry and knowledge. For example, these famous universities depend on talented learners. They only choose those who get the most excellent mark at a national test or international degree.

On the other hand, I believe that everybody of different ages enters the university to chase higher education. Because the score is not all, we should judge every leaner base on all their process of studying. For example, people who only fail in one test, due to unexpecting reasons like ill, their family financial condition. As a result, they will be dispirited and led to negative ways.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to accept all different generations chase continue their dream by getting in the university to be educated and enlightened. If the universities have solutions to assess student, they will open a new opportunity for the unlucky student in essential tests.