Please help me check the Ielts essay

Topic: People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

Nowadays, there is a remarkable increase in the consumption of sugar-based beverages. In the essay, I will give several specific reasons along with some steps that help people limit times people consume sugar-based drinks.

From my perspective, there are several prime causes directly contributing to the development of sugary drinks. First and foremost, with sugar-based drinks, people could promptly recharge their battery along with further mental wellbeing, especially individuals suffering from heavy workload. Therefore, they could increase their work performance significantly. For instance, the majority of drivers usually have the inclination to consume “red bull”, a renowned sugary beverage with a view to increasing their concentration. In addition, the increase in the consumption of sugar-containing drinks could be triggered by people’s lack of awareness about physical health. Specifically, people, especially children, are often addicted to the sweet taste of sugary beverages without acknowledging the negative impacts of the drink type. As a consequence, persons may face up with some diseases such as obesity or diabetes mellitus.

As can be seen, it is much - needed for people to take some measures to discourage customers from drinking sugary beverages. In the first place, introducing high tax on sugary drinks’ companies; therefore, beverage’s production could be limited considerably. For this reason, the rate of persons consuming sugar-based drinks will experience a dramatic decline because of a small number of sweet drinks. Another solution that is likely to be carried out can be that the government should stimulate the public to participate in some health programmes for the realization of negative influences of sugary drinks. In fact, when residents in my area firmly grasp some problems caused by overusing sugar-based beverages, they no longer consume these drinks later.

In conclusion, I once again believe that this tendency may be promoted by the two fundamental causes; additionally, individuals should work out two steps given above for the fall in the consumption of sweet drinks.