PLEASE HELP ME CHECK TASK 1 IELTS. THANKS SO MUCH

Question

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.Units: per 100 inhabitantsThe chart illustrates how many people used five categories of service around the world over the course of 10 years starting in 1998.Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that cellular phone service experienced an upward trend with this the exception of mobile broadband. And cellular phone service registered the highest figures.In 1998, the figures for cellular phone and internet users started at around 5 per 100 inhabitants. They both increased over the remain years, with cell phone service gaining the higher position in 2008, at more than 60 users per 100 inhabitants. As you can see on the line chart, mobile and fixed broadband stood at 0 per 100 inhabitants. Around 10 years,the figures for these two service rose slightly from 0 to 5 per 100 inhabitants. Meanwhile, landline and internet service tended to go down in the year 2008.

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Here are my suggestions:

The chart illustrates how many people used five categories of communication services around the world over the course of 10 years starting in 1998.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that cellular phone service experienced an the greatest upward trend ~~with this the exception of mobile broadband~~ [This wording does not make sense.] ~~And cellular phone service registered the highest figures.~~[Delete because you say this later. Instead, complete the comparison by adding statement about internet service.] followed by internet service in second place.

In 1998, the figures for cellular phone and internet users started at around 5 per 100 inhabitants. They both increased over the remaining years, with cell phone service gaining the higher position in 2008, at more than 60 users per 100 inhabitants, while internet service rose to only about 20 users per 100.

[New topic, new paragraph] ~~As you can see on the line chart~~, [Just tell reader, don't invite them to look.] In 1998, mobile and fixed broadband stood at 0 per 100 inhabitants. ~~Around~~ After 10 years, the figures for these two services rose only slightly ~~from 0~~ to 5 per 100 inhabitants. Meanwhile, landline service ~~and internet service~~ [No, internet service rose over time, not declined] ~~tended to go down in the year 2008.~~ [No, not accurate, say instead something like:] rose slightly from about 15 users per 100 in 1998 before declining after 2006 to about 18 users per 100 inhabitants in 2008.

Okay, you may have misread the chart, but you need to say more. This is a little short. You should also group similar ideas together.

I hope this is helpful.

PLEASE HELP ME CHECK TASK 1 IELTS. THANKS SO MUCH

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