Please help me check my writing task 2 please

Question

It is increasingly common for young people to take a gap year between school and university or after graduating from university and before starting work.Why do you think people like to take a gap year?What do you think is the best way to spend a gap year?It is true that taking a gap year before going to university or joining the workforce is becoming a prominent trend among the younger generation. There are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon and I also believe that with careful plans, young people can attain lots of benefits from a year off.To begin with, one reason that people prefer to take a break is that it is an appealing opportunity for them to be physically and mentally relaxed. It is a common practice that after a long period of hard work or study, young adults tend to spend a certain amount of time to recharge and eliminate all stressors before they could be ready to face new challenges, such as moving to higher education or applying to a new firm. For instance, a research conducted by Harvard University in 2010 had shown that less than 20% of first-year students who did not suffer from anxiety and depression were those that took a year break. Moreover, taking a long break can provide favorable conditions for young people to acquire new skills that are necessary for their learning course or future career. A good example is that people in Vietnam often spend the break time to study new languages or communication skills, some of the most essential things that can help them secure their success in any circumstances.In terms of gaining benefits from a gap year, I am of the opinion that people should set up a thorough scheme to make use of it effectively. In fact, the younger generation has a tendency to travel for recreation and exploration. By doing this, they can find a way to relieve the pressure as well as enjoy numerous cultures and stunning landmarks across the world. In addition, taking part in volunteering activities is also a good chance for young people to not only learn a significant amount of valuable knowledge but also discover their area of interest since volunteerings ranges from economic development to helping the poor people.In conclusion, I think that taking a gap year can bring about tons of merits for young people, regarding their relaxation and learning new things. In addition, travelling and doing volunteering work may also be very useful for them to make a gap year worthwhile.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote about 380 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.

Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~It is true that~~ (Delete. These useless dummy-it clauses have no content. they add nothing but distraction. They are empty "filler words". You do not need any filler words because you already write too many.)

Taking a gap year before going to university or joining the workforce is becoming

Taking a gap year before going to university or joining the workforce is becoming popular ~~a prominent trend~~ among the younger generation. There are several reasons that lead to this ~~phenomenon~~ (wrong word) and I believe that the best way to use this time is to travel. (Off topic. It asks two questions: 1) Why? and 2) What is the best thing to do in the gap year?

There is NO question: What are the benefits gained from taking a gap year?

IF you answer a question that does not exist, you lose a lot of "task response" points.

) ~~and I also believe that with careful plans, young people can get attain lots of benefits from a year off.~~

To begin with, one reason that people prefer to take a break is that it is an appealing opportunity for them to be physically and mentally relaxed. It is a common practice that after a long period of hard work or study, young adults tend to spend a certain amount of time to recharge and eliminate all stressors before they ~~could be~~ are ready to face new challenges, such as moving to higher education or applying for a job. / starting their career. ~~to a new firm~~. For instance, a (Research is non-count) research conducted by Harvard University in 2010 ~~had shown~~ showed that less than 20% of first-year students who did not suffer from anxiety and depression were those that took a year break. (What you wrote was "most of the freshmen who had taken a gap year suffered from anxiety and depression." So taking a gap year almost guarantees that you will suffer from mental health problems. ) Moreover, taking a long break can provide favorable conditions for young people to acquire new skills that are necessary for their learning course (unnatural phrase) or future career. A good example is that people in Vietnam often spend the break time to study new languages or communication skills, some of the most essential things that can help them secure their success in any circumstances.

Delete the next paragraph. It is off topic. The subject of this second body paragraph must answer the second question in the task: What do you think is the best way to spend a gap year?

In terms of gaining benefits from a gap year, I am of the opinion that people should set up a thorough scheme to make use of it effectively. In fact, the younger generation has a tendency to travel for recreation and exploration. By doing this, they can find a way to relieve the pressure as well as enjoy numerous cultures and stunning landmarks across the world. In addition, taking part in volunteering activities is also a good chance for young people to not only learn a significant amount of valuable knowledge but also discover their area of interest since volunteerings ranges from economic development to helping the poor people.

In conclusion, ~~I think that taking a gap year can bring about tons of merits for young people, regarding their relaxation and learning new things.~~ (Off-topic. "Tons of merits" makes no sense.) In addition, travelling and doing volunteering work may also be very useful for them to make a gap year worthwhile.

Please help me check my writing task 2 please

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