Please help me check my writing task 1 in Ielts writing

Question

Topic: The graph below shows the average of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015.

The line graph illustrates how many students were studying in three different countries over a period of 15 years.

It is clear that while the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France and America were an upward trend, the opposite was true for the ones in Russia.

In 2000, the largest number of students were in France, roughly 3.5 millions, in comparison with the figures for students studying in Russia and America were 3 millions and around 1.5 millions respectively. Over the next five years, there was a decrease of around 1 million Vietnamese in both France and Russia. Also, the year 2005 witnessed a slight increase of students studying in America.

In 2005, the number of students studying in America increased significantly to 5 millions. In contrast, there was a growth of over 2 million after a period of stability. Also, the figures for students studying in Russia hit the lowest point of below 2 millions in 2010, but later went up gradually to 2.5 million at the end of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Thảo Dương · Answer

I am sorry for not uploading the image.

Here it is.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph illustrates (wrong word) how many students were studying in three different countries over a period of 15 years. (Incomplete. What kind of students? What 15 years - 1965-1980, 1940-1955, or 1980-1995? What countries? In paragraph 1, describe all aspects of the figure, but do not write about the data values. In math/science contexts a figure is a map, graph, or schematic inserted in an article with the text.)

It is clear that while the average number of Vietnamese students studying in ~~France and~~ America were (wrong form) an upward trend (Only the curve for the students studying in America had an upward trend. The other two curves did not have any consistent trend over this period.), the opposite was true for ~~the ones in~~ Russia.

(In paragraph #2 write about 2 or 3 major observations. You should write more here.

For example:

In 2000, 8 million Vietnamese students were abroad in these countries. The total increased to 12 million in 2015, an increase of 50%.

The numbers in France and Russia varied, and the curves are positively correlated, going down during the first decade, and then going up.

)

In 2000, the largest number of students were in France, roughly 3.5 millions, (wrong form) in comparison with the figures (wrong word) for students studying in Russia and America were 3 millions (wrong form) and around 1.5 millions (wrong form) respectively. Over the next five years, there was a decrease of around 1 million Vietnamese students in both France and Russia. Also, the year 2005 witnessed (wrong word. Only living creatures see, witness, or experience things. Years cannot do that.) a slight increase of students studying in America.

In 2005, the number of students studying in America increased significantly to 5 millions. In contrast, there was a growth of over 2 million after a period of stability. Also, the figures (wrong word) for students studying in Russia hit the lowest point of below 2 millions in 2010, but later went up gradually to 2.5 million at the end of the period.

Please help me check my writing task 1 in Ielts writing

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions