Please help me check my Writing task 1 essay!
I tried to write a full essay answering the question below. Please help me check it and give me a score if possible. Thank you so much!
Writing task 1:
The diagram below shows two different processes for manufacturing black tea.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The diagram is enclosed in the attachment.
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The diagram briefly illustrates the production of manufacturing black tea.
Overall, the process consists of five main stages, commencing with harvesting tea leaves and ending at the firing step.
At the first stage, fresh tea leaves including only buds and two top leaves are collected by farmers with the aim of producing high quality tea. Afterwards, the leaves experience the withering stage on a rack. At that time, the air passing through them evaporates 60% of moisture.
Following that, there are two different methods employed to process the withered leaves. One method is called a traditional one which produces loose leaf tea. The leaves are conventionally rolled until they become flat and broken. Simultaneously, a number of enzymes inside the leaves are disposed during this stage. Another one is a modern technique by which tea bags are made. The leaves are cut, torn and even curled in a quick process. As a consequence, there are some smaller granular pieces created at the same time.
What happens in the next step is that the rolled up leaves undergo an oxidation or fermentation. By doing that, they are spread on titles or cement. The enzymes with the air are released from the leaves, which results in these leaves shifting from green to copper. Finally, firing the leaves is implemented in ovens or hot dryers. This process causes a flavor and aroma to be brought out. At the end of the whole process, 97% moisture is discharged.
Top answer
Your first mistake is writing 240 words in five paragraphs. The minimum is 150. You will not lose points for writing lengthy essays; however, longer essays generally do not earn high scores.
- Your first mistake is writing 240 words in five paragraphs.
- The minimum is 150.
- You will not lose points for writing lengthy essays; however, longer essays generally do not earn high scores.
- There are many reasons.
- First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.
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Your first mistake is writing 240 words in five paragraphs. The minimum is 150.
You will not lose points for writing lengthy essays; however, longer essays generally do not earn high scores. There are many reasons.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.
Second, in Task 1, you are likely writing about
0The diagram briefly illustrates the production of manufacturing black tea. (Production of manufacturing makes no sense.
Also, "manufacturing" implies a large factory with equipment and many employees. This is a small farmer or community business which makes loose dried tea or tea bags. The word is not used correctly.
This process flow char
0
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