Please help me check my writing (IELTS writing task 1)

Question

A glance at the table provided reveals a number of clear differences among types of items consumed in five European countries, namely Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey in 2002 (in percentage).

By and large, the demands for food, drinks, and tobacco are much higher than the others. Also, Turkish's consumption of all groups of items was the most much more than the rest countries.

It is evident that Turkish is on the top in purchasing food, drinks, and cigarettes compared to the other cultures, particularly 32.14%, which is by far highest of countries listed. Likewise, the second most expenditure is Ireland, with 28.91%. In stark contrast, Sweden's proportion is the smallest, only 15.77%, nearly a half of two nations discussed above.

Clothing and footwear were purchased by Italian people most while they were less cared by Swede. In terms of leisure and education, they acquired the least cared from five nations though Turkish paid more attention for recreation and education. Moreover, only a few of Spanish concentrate on their relaxation as well as education.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you show us what the table looks like?

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Persian Learner · Answer

Please make sure that you post your essays only in the essay forum:

Thread Moved!

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please attach an image of the figure you are writing about.

Nh?t Ti?n PhanA glance at the table

Don't just glance at a figure in Task 1. You have to look at it carefully.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~A glance at~~ Poor writing for a maths professor! Would you write to a college professor that you only glanced at his information? ) The table ~~provided~~ reveals a number of ~~clear~~ differences among types of items consumed in five European countries, namely Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey in 2002 (in percentage).

In paragraph 1, describe the graphic. Do not write about the information itself.

The table lists the percentages of consumer spending in three categories (Food/Drink/Tobacco, Clothing/Footwear and Leisure/Education) in five countries in the year 2002. The countries are Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey.

~~By and large,~~ The demands (expenditure ) for food, drinks, and tobacco are much higher than the others. (You did not tell the reader what the "others" are. This is confusing.) Also, Turkish's consumption of all groups (wrong expression It is not about how much people consumed, but how much of their total spending they had on these ~~categories.)~~ ~~of items was the most much more than the rest countries.~~

~~It is evident that~~ (The words "evident, obvious, notable, and clear" are opinion words. Do not write opinions in Task 1. Only write facts and observations about the data. ) Turkish (Turkish is an adjective. There is Turkish coffee, Turkish clothing, and Turkish customs.) is on the top in purchasing

The Turkish households / people spend more, in percentage terms, on food, drinks, and ~~cigarettes~~ (The category covers Tobacco products, which come in various forms: chewing tobacco, cigars, cigarettes and dried, shredded leaves. Be precise in Task 1. Do not use words that are incorrect. ) compared to the other cultures, (wrong word. A culture is not a nation. A nation can have many different cultures.) particularly 32.14%, which is by far highest of the countries listed. Likewise, the second most (wrong word) expenditure is Ireland, with 28.91%. In ~~stark~~ (Not a mathematical term) contrast, Sweden's proportion is the smallest, only 15.77%, nearly a half of the two nations discussed above.

Clothing and footwear were purchased by Italian people most (wrong expression.) while they were less cared (opinion) by Swedes. In terms of leisure and education, they acquired the least cared from five nations though Turkish paid more attention for recreation and education. Moreover, only a few of Spanish concentrate on their relaxation (incorrect) as well as education.

Model essay:

The table shows the percentage of consumer spending in three sectors (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) for five different countries (Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey) in the year 2002.

Overall, spending was consistently highest in the category "food, drink and tobacco" and lowest for "leisure and education." Turkish people spent a greater percentage of their total spending on these three categories compared to the other four countries, 42%, while Swedes spent the least, 24%. The average spent on the Clothing/Footwear category, 6.8%, was more than twice that of Leisure and Education, 2.9%. but about one-third that of Food, Drink and Tobacco, 22%.

While Turkish people spent the most for food, drink and tobacco, 32.14%, the Irish came in a close second at 28.91%.
The percentages for Italy, Spain, and Sweden were 16.36%, 18.8%, and 15.77% respectively. Spending on the other two sectors was a small fraction of the total. Leisure/education was consistently under 5%, with Turkey having the highest value at 4.35%. And that was slightly lower than clothing and footwear, which ranged from 5.40 to 6.63% in all countries with the exception of Italy, an outlier at 9%.

Please help me check my writing (IELTS writing task 1)

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