Please Help Me Check My New Essays

I have received some feedback from my teacher but I still want to improve my essay. i don't know how to improve and check my coherence or something like that. Can you check for me?

Advertising, which is an important part of our life, has both positive and negative effects on consumers.

Firstly, there is no denying that advertisements can bring numerous benefits. One of the most obvious benefits is that advertising informs customers about newly launched products. This can help each individual in choosing an item and saving their time when researching for product information. Therefore, they will acquire the best products with the least amount of time. Advertising also helps to eliminate the middlemen by establishing direct contacts between producers and consumers, which results in cheaper goods. A good example is that customers can buy Cocoon Vietnam facial cleanser for nearly 150,000 VND on the official website instead of going to dealer stores to buy for more than 200,000 VND.

On the other hand, advertising can cause several drawbacks for consumers. To begin with, it motivates buyers to impulsively buy goods that they do not really need. Many consumers can be easily swayed by catchy advertisements to part with their money. For example, although the latest Samsung smartphone seems no different from the predecessor except for a slightly faster processor, people still queue to buy it because of their appealing advertising campaign. Another detrimental effect that advertisements bring for consumers is its content can be inappropriate for children. Some advertisers may use some pictures or a sexy girl to commercialize their products, which will have adverse impacts on the child's cognition and physiological development.

In conclusion, individuals may gain considerable advantages as well as disadvantages through advertisements.