Please help me check my IELTS writing task 2

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that university students are better off living on campus rather than at home. Although I acknowledge the benefits of living with parents, I believe that dormitory life would be a better option.

It is undeniable that living in a dorm does wonders for students. Living far away from parental care, students have a chance to develop independently and be responsible for their own life. For instance, they will possibly need to do things by themselves, ranging from trivial things like doing chores to important ones such as managing personal finance, taking care of themselves and making decisions. All of these self-reliant activities equip students with vital skills for their later life. Furthermore, when sharing accommodation, students need to learn how to keep a harmonious living environment with others, thus possibly enhancing their social skills. These practical skills can be applied in their future workplace, enabling them to work in harmony with colleagues and build up important relationships.

Granted, one may argue that living at home with parents is more beneficial for students. This is predicated on the assumption that with parental support for finance, health care and household chores, students can have adequate time to focus on their studies. This can lead to an improvement in their academic performances, securing them a bright future. However, better academic outcomes can also be achieved in the dormitory lifestyle without much dependence on parents. Dormitory roommates can promote each other's learning by sharing study materials, learning mutual study strategies and thus enhancing subsequent learning results. Furthermore, they can care for each other, and equally divide the living expenses and chores to lighten the burden. As a result, students will no longer need to rely heavily on their parents, which is needed in the future.

In conclusion, despite some merits of living with parents, my firm conviction is that staying on campus can provide students with necessary skills and prepare them for later life when there is not always parents' assistance. Therefore, living in a dorm is a better choice for students when entering university.

I wrote 2 versions though they both sucked.

There is an opinion that university students are better off living on campus rather than at home. I personally believe that each type of accommodation, mentioned above, has its own benefits, so one is not necessarily better than another.

It is undeniable that living in a dorm does wonders for students. Living far away from parental care, students have a chance to develop independently and be responsible for their own life. For instance, they will possibly need to do things by themselves, ranging from trivial things like doing chores to important ones such as managing personal finance, taking care of themselves and making decisions. Most of these self-reliant activities equip students with vital skills for their later life. Furthermore, when sharing accommodation, students need to learn how to keep a harmonious living environment with others, thus possibly enhancing their social skills. For instance, my sister used to be a poor communicator, which hindered her dream of being an MC. However, after moving to a dorm and living with other people, there has been a considerable improvement in her communication skills, and she is now a successful MC.

On the other hand, living with parents provides students with significant assistance. With parental support for finance, health care and household chores, students will no longer need to spend time working for living expenses, caring for everyday meals, or cleaning their dorm. This possibly leaves students adequate time to focus on their studies and after-school activities. Regarding the former, students can gain better academic results or achieve valuable scholarships and golden opportunities. Furthermore, regularly engaging in extracurricular activities such as joining clubs, volunteering, or doing an internship can help students enrich their knowledge and acquire practical skills they might need in the future.

In conclusion, living with parents and on the campus benefit children differently, so it is unreasonable to reach a conclusion with regard to which accommodation is more advantageous for university students.