Please help me check my Ielts writing Cambrigde 7 test task 2. Thank you very much!!!!

Topic: It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

My writing:

When it comes to how successful a person might become in a particular aspect, some people believe it is based on the talent he is naturally gifted since he was born. Meanwhile, others claim that by continuous years or practice and training, one can be master in the same field. When we take a individual case into account, both views can be true and sometimes, they are combined factors to contribute to one’s success.

Acquiring a certain skill might take you a long time with a lot of hard work so you might be surprised at how good a child can perform at the same field you are struggling with, while he only needs a short time of practice. According to science, extraordinary ability is explained to be something relating to gene which a child can be transferred from his parents, or even further, from his ancestors. That is backed that we often see the members in a family share the same talent and that can not even be gained by years of studying.

However, there is a saying “practice makes perfect” meaning that if nature doesn’t favour you with such capacity, it can be achieved through extensive training. Based on such a reason, schools or educational organizations are established with the purpose to provide people with well-planned appropriate instructions and nourish talented students. For instance, we see a lot of celebrities interviewed to share how they get splendor success often say it is because of his effort for a very long period of time and is due to the support from their trainer as well.

Personally, I think both talent and practice mutually back up and combine in someone’s achievements. Naturally gifted ability gives a person initial foundation for great breakthrough in his future career while training and practice helps him to strengthen his advantages and develop further.

In conclusion, a great musician or an exceptional athlete needs both practicing and luckiness factors as well. Therefore, it is important for a talented person to stay modest and keep practicing, otherwise he can not go further.