Please help me check my Ielts task1 essay. Thanks for your help.

Question

Requirement: The following chart shows the results of a British survey taken in 2009 related to Housing preferences of UK people.My essay:The given bar chart compares the percentage of British preferences in four different types of housing which was recorded from a poll in 2009.The British had less preferences for terraced houses than others, which was opposed to appartment. People living in Liverpool showed a conderabe interest in living in apartments.Apartments was the most popular type of housing to respondents in Liverpool, with just under 60%, which is the highest figure shown on the chart. While people in Liverpool prefered to live in apartments, people in Manchester would rather to live in semi-detached houses.Housing preferences of respondents in London was not significant, just under 40% for all types. Citizens in London showed a bigger love for semi-detched houses, accounted for around 38%. The opposite was true for terraced houses with only 19%. The percentage of preferences for apartments and detached houses was respectively 39% and 25%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote exactly 150 words, which to very close to the minimum. You should write a little more than the minimum to give yourself some leeway.

The ~~given~~ bar chart compares the ~~percentage of~~ British preferences in for four different types of housing ~~which was~~ as recorded from a survey ~~poll~~ in 2009. (Incomplete. You did not describe the four types of accommodation, and you neglected to tell the reader that the people surveyed were from three different cities.)

Here is an example paragraph that describe all the aspects of this bar chart:

The bar chart compares the preferences of residents of three different cities in the UK for different types of accommodation. A survey was taken in 2009 in Liverpool, Manchester and London asking participants which type of housing they liked best: Apartment, Terraced house, Detached house or Semi-detached house. The data plotted are percentages in each group that selected each of the housing types.

The British had less preferences for terraced houses than others, which was opposed to appartment. People living in Liverpool showed a conderabe interest in living in apartments.

Those are good points, but your wording is awkward. Here are some alternatives:

Terraced houses were the least popular selection among all three groups, gaining a maximum of 20%, from Londoners.

People in Liverpool showed a distinctive preference for apartment living, with nearly six in ten picking this option as their choice.

Apartments was the most popular type of housing to respondents in Liverpool, with just under 60%, which is the highest percentage ~~figure~~ shown on the chart. (this repeats what you wrote in the previous paragraph. Try not to repeat the same points.) While people in Liverpool prefered to live in apartments, people in Manchester would rather to live in semi-detached houses.

Housing preferences of respondents in London was not significant, just under 40% for all types. (That is not good. Londoners had the same total as the other two. I think you meant this: Londoners did not show a clear favorite; the difference between the highest selection, Semi-detached, and the lowest, Terraced, was only 15%. That can be compared to people in Liverpool, where there was a spread of nearly 50% and, those from Manchester, with a 25% spread. )

Citizens in London (Londoners / People in London / London residents ) liked ~~showed a bigger love for~~ semi-detched houses the most, ~~accounted for~~ around 38%. The opposite was true for terraced houses with only 19%. The percentage of ~~preferences for~~ those who selected apartments and detached houses was respectively 39% and 25%.

Please help me check my Ielts task1 essay. Thanks for your help.

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