Please help me check my essay task 1.

Question

The line graph gives information about the number of people playing four different kinds of sports (basketball, tennis, badminton and rugby) in a certain area from 1985 to 2005.

Overall, tennis and rugby showed a contrary trend in the number of people playing, while those of badminton and basketball remained unchanged over the years.

Starting at approximately 225 thousand of people in 1985, the number of people participating in rugby gradually decreased to 200 thousand in 1990 before its dramatic dip to merely 50 thousand of players in 2005. Having a smaller number of people in 1985, with 150 thousand people, tennis, in contrast, showed a considerable climb to over 200 thousand people playing.

Meanwhile, the number of people playing badminton was nearly unchanged over the years, with about 50 thousand of players. A little higher than badminton, similarly, the number of badminton players stood at 75 thousand in 1985 and remained until 2005.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

The line graph gives information about the number of people playing [ 1] four different kinds of sports (basketball, tennis, badminton and rugby) in a certain area from 1985 to 2005.

Overall, tennis and rugby showed ~~a contrary~~ had opposite trends in the number of people playing those sports, while the numbers of those of who played badminton and basketball remained unchanged over those two decades. ~~the years.~~

Starting at approximately 225 thousand of [ 2] people in 1985, the number of people participating in rugby gradually decreased to 200 thousand in 1990 before its dramatic dip to merely 50 thousand [ 2] of players in 2005. ~~Having~~ Starting with a smaller number of [ 3] ~~people~~ participants/players (150 thousand) in 1985, ~~with 150 thousand people,~~ the graph representing tennis, in contrast, ~~showed~~ experienced a steady but considerable climb to over 200 thousand people playing that sport in 2005.

Meanwhile, the number of people playing badminton was ~~nearly~~ basically/practically unchanged over that 20-year period, ~~the years,~~ with about 50 thousand of [ 2] players. A little higher than badminton, similarly, the number of ~~badminton~~ [ 4] basketball players stood at 75 thousand in 1985 and remained at that level until 2005.

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[ 1]: What you wrote is not wrong, but consider also:

“The line graph outlines the change in the number of individuals who participated in ...”

[ 2]: Note no “of”.

[ 3]: “people” is not wrong, but it’s better to use a synonym to avoid repetition.

[ 4]: That’s silly mistake to make. You should ALWAYS go over your work before submitting it.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote 154 words. That is over the minimum, but you should write a little more to be on the safe side.

Learn to use numbers (ratios, percentages, or fractions) to describe changes in values rather than words such as "dramatic" "considerable" "precipitous" which are not at all precise or scientific. This description is for a university lecturer, so your writing needs to be at a higher academic level.

Learn to group categories together.

The line graph ~~gives information about~~ (That is very very vague. The only time I write "give information about" is when there are multiple figures, each of which gives a different aspect of a data set. But I define exactly what data is in each of them.) plots / compares / gives / provides / shows the number of people playing four different kinds of sports (basketball, tennis, badminton and rugby) in a certain area from 1985 to 2005.

Overall, tennis and rugby showed opposite trends ~~a contrary trend in the number of people playing~~, ("A trend is ONE trend." There are two different, opposite trends.) while those of badminton and basketball remained relatively constant ~~unchanged~~ over the years. The total number of people in all these sports declined about 20%, from a little over half a million, to just under four hundred thousand, all of which is attributed to rugby.

Starting at approximately 225 thousand of people in 1985, the number of people participating in rugby gradually decreased to 200 thousand in 1990 before its ~~dramatic~~ dip by three-quarters to ~~merely~~ 50 thousand of players in 2005. Having a smaller number of people in 1985, with 150 thousand people, tennis, in contrast, showed ~~a considerable~~ climb of 75 thousand, or fifty percent, to over 200 thousand ~~people playing~~.

Meanwhile, the number of people playing badminton was nearly unchanged over the years, with about 50 thousand of players. A ~~little higher~~ ( 50,000 + 1/2 * 50,000 = 75,000. Fifty percent higher is not "a little higher) With about 50% more than badminton, similarly, the number of badminton players began ~~stood~~ at 75 thousand in 1985 and had very little variation. ~~remained until 2005~~.

Please help me check my essay task 1.

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