Please help me check my essay - IELTS WRITING TASK 2

According to your previous advise , I completely change my way in writing. Thank you so much and could you please tell which band am I in writing and so that I can improve more.

TOPIC: Task 2: Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations.

In the present age, due to the varying development of education, it is worth mentioning that more ways of learning are provided to students regarding wider options and workshops. Consequently, there has been a growing debate as to whether students can live with their parents but the options for university are narrowed or studying abroad without parents'care. In the following paragraph, I shall put forward the upsides and downsides of both perspectives before forming conclusion.

To start with, it is a common sight that student, living in environment related to the supervision of parents, is of benefit to entirely concentrate on their scholastic performances. There is no worrying problem in finance and taking care of themselves as parents support them with daily expenses as well as tuition fees, furthermore, nutritious meals are planned in suitable way to ensure the adequate energy provision to students. However, as regard to this situation, students are considered a lack of self-dependence since everything is solved by their parents and they achieve none of hands-on experiences to encounter the difficulties in their lives. As a result, it frustrates the maturity process of adolescents who are not well-repaired to get responsibility and facing the pressures in future.

Otherwise, students who living far away from their parents equip them with the confidence of dealing with predicaments. Admittedly, without such a care of parents, there are several inevitable issues need to cope with such as household chores, the others have to find the part-time jobs in order to espouse the exorbitant expenses. Therefore, there is less time to concern on their studies which adversely adopts their academic performances. Furthermore, the unbalanced control in eating habits as well as full of tension overflow directly lead to the poor health condition of most abroad students.

In conclusion, there are always benefits and drawbacks to every problem, however, to understand and adapt to the environment is given importance. As regard to university students, they should well-balanced manage between parental care and their self-dependence which provide them with responsibility of taking care of themselves.