Please help me check my essay (IELTS Academic Writing Part 1)

Question

It is clear that the total number of miles travelled by English people using all modes of transport increased significantly between 1985 and 2000. The car was by far the most used form of transport in both years.

There was some decrease in three kinds of travelling methods, that is, walking, bicycle and local bus. The average distance of walking and bicycle decreased slightly between 1985 and 2000 from 255 to 237 miles and 51 to 41 miles separately. The decrease of local bus was quite obvious, from 429 to 274 miles. That is nearly 40% of decrease compared with that of 1985.

Average distance of car, long distance bus, train, taxi and other transports showed an upward trend from 1985 to 2000. The distance of taxi in 2000 was more than 3 times that of 1985. The distance of long distance bus in 2000 increased over 50% compared with that of year 1985. There was also some increase in the other three kinds of transports, which was not that obvious.

In sum, the type of transport which covers a short distance showed an downward trend while the type of transport that covers a long distance increased a lot during these 15 years.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Also, include the essay instructions:

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Put the instructions and image here.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need an introductory paragraph which describes the table. Model:

The table compares the average distance travelled by people in England by each of seven different types of transportation in two different years,1985 and 2000. In addition there is a row for all other forms and a total. The seven types can be categorized as human-powered (walking, and biking), private transport (car and taxi) and public transport (train, long distance bus and local bus.).

~~It is clear that~~ the total number of miles travelled by English people using all modes of transport increased significantly between 1985 and 2000. The car was by far the most used form of transport in both years. (It is better to give numbers and mathematical expressions: The car accounted for about two-thirds of the total in 1985 and even more, three-quarters, in 2000. )

There was some decrease in three kinds of travelling methods, that is, walking, bicycle and local bus. The average distance of walking and bicycle decreased slightly between 1985 and 2000 from 255 to 237 miles and 51 to 41 miles separately. (wrong word) The decrease of local bus (Busses don't decrease.) was quite significant ~~obvious~~, (Obvious is an opinion word. Avoid opinions in Task 1.) from 429 to 274 miles. That is nearly 40% ~~of decrease~~ compared with that of 1985.

The average distance travelled using a car, long distance bus, train, taxi and other forms of transports went up ~~showed an upward trend~~ (Trends are not seen in only two data points.) from 1985 to 2000. The distance of taxi (unnatural) in 2000 was more than 3 times that of 1985. The distance of long distance bus (unnatural) in 2000 increased over 50% compared with that of year 1985. There was also some increase in the other three kinds of transports, which was not ~~that~~ as marked. ~~obvious~~.

In sum, the type of transport which covers a short distance (unnatural) showed an downward trend while the type of transport that covers a long distance increased a lot during these 15 years.

Please help me check my essay (IELTS Academic Writing Part 1)

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions