Please Help Me By Correcting My Essay.(Task1)

Question

The data is shown in the form of a bar chart, which compares changing in the literacy of people in Bulgarian who wanted to immigrate in another country in the period 2002 to 2008.

Overall, while the percentage of people with primary and lower education rose sharply, the percentage of people with secondary education was the highest in each time. The percentage of people with higher education was the lowest at end.

The percentage of people with secondary education decreased slightly from 65% to 59% in period of 6 years. This category was the highest in these years.

College education percentage experienced a rise of 3% from 17% to 20% between 2002 and 2006 while It fell sharply to 9% after two years.

However, the percentage of people with primary and lower education rose from 18% in 2002 to 32% in 2008 but It just rose by 1% in 2006. After that, It rose sharply.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Mohsen Mohammadrezaeipeople in Bulgarian

people in Bulgaria

Mohsen Mohammadrezaeiwanted to immigrate ~~in another country~~

wanted to emigrate. To emigrate means to go and live permanently in another country so, the last three words are superfluous.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The data is shown in the form of a bar chart, which compares changing in the literacy of people in Bulgarian (This is not what the chart shows. Literacy is the ability to read and write. The chart does not show changes in Bulgarians' ability to read and write, even among those who wanted to leave.) who wanted to immigrate (wrong word. - emigrate. ) ~~in another country~~ in the period 2002 to 2008. (Misleading. There are only three data points. There is no data in between these points.)

Model opening paragraph:

The bar chart shows the percentage of people in Bulgaria who planned to emigrate grouped by their level of education. The data is given for three time points: 2002, 2006 and 2008. The levels of education are primary education or less, secondary education and higher education.

Overall, while the percentage of people with primary and lower education rose sharply, the percentage of people with secondary education was the highest in each time. (You have not told the reader what times this refers to.) The percentage of people with higher education was the lowest at end. (This does not describe the information on the chart correctly.) .

The percentage of people with secondary education decreased slightly from 65% to 59% in period of 6 years. This category was the highest in these years.

College education percentage experienced (Only living creatures have experiences or witness or see things. Do not use literary devices such as anthropomorphism in a math or science report.) a rise of 3% from 17% to 20% between 2002 and 2006 while It fell sharply to 9% after two years.

However, the percentage of people with primary and lower education rose from 18% in 2002 to 32% in 2008 but It just rose by 1% in 2006. After that, It rose sharply.

Please Help Me By Correcting My Essay.(Task1)

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