Please help me by correcting my essay, many thanks!me by correcting my essay, many thanks!

Question

The pie chart indicates information about the spending money in Asia in the year 1966. There are seven commodities that were showed in this pie chart. They are food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books.

Overall, the allocation of Asian spending was not balanced. On the one hand, they took most money to buy food. On the other hand, they spent a little money on purchasing computers.

Exactly 44%, food is the largest commodity of Asian, nearly half a part of Asian commodity. The second biggest commodity was cars, 23%, approximately half a part percentage of food. Less than 13% compared to the percentage of cars, furniture accounted for 10% in Asian spending.

Petrol was the fourth largest commodity in Asian spending, it made up 9%. Restaurants and books had the nearly same amount, 7% and 6%, respectively. Only 1%, computer was the commodity had the least spending in Asia.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I do not know where you found this Task 1 exercise, but the instructions are very poor English. You will not learn good English from this site!

Please use a proper IELTS site to get your exercises.

https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-sample-chart-for-writing-task-1/

The graph (wrong word.) below shows data about the amount (Wrong. It does not show amounts, like $100.00) of money which is spent on commodity (wrong form, wrong word. The categories shown are not commodities.) in Asia. (Unclear. There are many countries in Asia, and consumers of different nationalities have different spending habits.)

Corrected instructions: The pie chart shows the average household expenditures in a country in 1966.

Please rewrite your essay using the corrected instructions above.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The pie chart indicates information about the spending money (Very poor English. "indicate" is not good. "information" is not good. "spending money" is not good.) in Asia in the year 1966. There are seven commodities (These things are not commodities. Wrong word) that were showed (wrong form) ~~in this pie chart~~. They are food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books.

Here are three model descriptions:

1. The pie chart gives a breakdown of consumer spending in Asia in 1966. There are seven categories shown: food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books.

2. The pie chart shows the proportion of money that Asian consumers spent in seven categories of items for the year 1966. These categories are: food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books.

3. The percentages of spending, allocated among seven categories, are shown in the pie chart. The spenders are all in Asia and the itemized categories are: ...

Overall, the allocation of Asian spending was not balanced. On the one hand, they ~~took~~ used most of their money to buy food. On the other hand, they spent a little money on purchasing computers.

Exactly 44%, food is the largest commodity (Wrong word) of Asian, (Wrong expression) nearly half a part of Asian commodity. (Wrong word) The second biggest commodity (Wrong word) was cars, 23%, approximately half a part percentage (ungrammatical) of food. Less than 13% compared to the percentage of cars, furniture accounted for 10% in Asian spending.

Petrol was the fourth largest commodity (Wrong word) in Asian spending, it made up 9%. Restaurants and books had the nearly same amount, 7% and 6%, respectively. Only 1%, computer was the commodity (Wrong word) had the least spending in Asia.

Please help me by correcting my essay, many thanks!me by correcting my essay, many thanks!

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