Please help me by correcting my essay, many thanks!

Question

The bar chart shows amount of CO2 emission in tons. The line chart illustrates the number of vehicles in millions. Both of them show statistics in England and Wales from 2000 to 2020.

Overall, amount of CO2 increased rapidly and continuously rise in the future. Similarly, the number of vehicles also grew sharply and had no sign of stopping up to the year 2020.

According the bar chart, car was the vehicle that had the most exhaust. Their CO2 emission jumped 3 tons from 2000 to 2010 andwas forecasted that will be rose 3 tons in 2020. The second position which has greatly CO2 emision was truck. In 10 years, amount of CO2 fumes of truck increased from 15 tons to 17 tons. It was predicted that their exhaust will be rose up to 23 tons. In contrast, bus is the only vehicle that had stable amount of CO2, 9 tons.

From 2000 to 2005, the number of vehicle rose slightly, increasing 5 millions vehicles. However, from the year 2005, quantity of vehicles rose quickly, increasing 20 millions vehicles in 10 years from 2005 to 2015. The number of vehicles was continuously grew in the future, predictly 58 millions vehicles in 2020.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You use the passive voice verb form when you must use the active voice. You have problems with singular versus plural forms. You also use synonyms incorrectly. Exhaust, fumes and CO2 are not the same thing. This is a science context, so your words are very important. They must be exactly what is being measured, and that is CO2 emissions.

Learn to use units of measure correctly.

e.g

Learn to use units of measure correctly.

e.g. 5 million trucks not 5 millions trucks.

The bar chart shows the amounts of CO2 emission in tons. The line chart plots / gives / shows illustrates (wrong word. Use "illustrate" for a process map or diagram that is a picture of something. ) the number of vehicles in millions. Both of them show statistics (We cannot have any statistics or any data in the year 2020 because that is in the future) in England and Wales from 2000 to 2020.

(Your paragraph is not complete. It does not tell the reader about the categories of vehicles on the bar chart. It does not tell the reader that some of the data is a projection or forecast. )

Model paragraph:

The two figures, a bar chart and a line graph, present information about vehicular greenhouse gas (CO2) emissions in England and Wales from 2000 to the present, and a forecast to 2020. In particular, the bar chart shows four different types of vehicles and their contribution to the total emissions in tons at three different points in time, 2000 and 2010 and a projection for 2020. The vehicles are: car, bus, van and truck. The line graph plots the total number of vehicles, in millions.

Overall, the amount of CO2 emissions increased rapidly and will continue to ~~continuously~~ rise in the future. Similarly, the number of vehicles also grew sharply and had no sign of slowing/ moderating ~~stopping up~~ to the year 2020.

According the bar chart, car (wrong form) was the vehicle that had the most exhaust. (wrong word) Their CO2 emission (wrong form) jumped 3 tons from 2000 to 2010 andwas forecasted that will be rose (wrong verb form) 3 tons in 2020. The second position which has greatly (wrong form) CO2 emision (wrong form) was truck. (wrong form) In 10 years, amount (wrong form) of CO2 fumes (wrong word) of truck (wrong form) increased from 15 tons to 17 tons. It is ~~was~~ predicted that their exhaust (wrong form) will be rose (wrong verb form) up to 23 tons. In contrast, bus (wrong form) is the only vehicle that had stable (wrong word - constant) amount (wrong form) of CO2, 9 tons.

Model paragraph:

Cars contributed the most to CO2 emissions as compared with the other vehicles, with trucks in second place. By 2020, both of these types of vehicles will have increased their emissions substantially; cars from 20 to 26 million tons (25%) and trucks from 15 to 23 million tons (more than 50%). Emissions from vans increased slightly (16-20 million tons), whereas bus emissions will be nearly constant at 9 million tons.

From 2000 to 2005, the number of vehicle (wrong form) rose slightly, increasing 5 millions (wrong form) vehicles. However, from the year 2005, it ~~quantity of vehicles~~ rose quickly, increasing 20 millions (wrong form) vehicles in the 10 years from 2005 to 2015. The number of vehicles was continuously grew (wrong verb form) in the future, predictly 58 millions (wrong form) vehicles in 2020.

Model sentence:

The growth in the number of vehicles is nearly linear over the period, and is projected to continue at the same rate, just under 2 million per year. Starting out at 20 million in 2000, the vehicle count is projected to be just under 60 million in 2020.

Please help me by correcting my essay, many thanks!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions