Please help me

Question

The brth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of population in most developed countries wi;; be aged 65 and over

My Answer:

I think that if the birth rate in most developed countries begins to fall over the next 50 years, It will be a big problem for these countries.

First of all, Fewer babies means fewer workers. When today’s people workers retire, there won’t be enough wokers to replace them.The fatories couldn’t keep product, the company will have to stop bussiness,... All ecomnomic of these country will be fallen down.

In addition, the goverment will have less money from income tax. Beside, they must spend more money from the budget for older people. For example, they will need to buld more hospitals, produce more drugs or medical instrusments because when you are older you will have a lot of diseases.

Further more, population of these countries will be able to decrease. Why? Because the birth rate fall down so we will not have enough people to change the people which dead.

To avoid those disadvantages, What can the goverments of these country do?

They can encourage the birth by some policies. The most effective encouragement is financial helping. In Australia, the goverment will pay you 1000$ for secord baby and 2000$ for the third baby. They also support the tuition fee when your kid go to school.

In another way, they can attract the foreign people prom others country by some new laws like low income tax with foreign labourer or scholarship for foreign students...

In my opinion, the birth rate in most developed countries fall over is a big problem so the goverments have to defense it seriously.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The topic statement has some errors. This is the actual IELTS Task 2 essay question:

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

I have highlighted the words that are spelled or punctuated incorrectly. There are many more problems with your writing, but you first can work on spelling. If you fix these problems and post your revised essay, we can then work on the other issues.

I think that if the birth rate in most developed countries begins to (Something cannot begin over a period of 50 years Something begins at one point in time. ) fall over the next 50 years, It will be a big problem for these countries.