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Anonymous Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
PLEASE HELP GIVE ADVICE ON MY COLLEGE ESSAY!
Prompt: explain a time when you failed at something. How did it affect you? What lessons did you learn from it?
"The name I announce on this card is the name of Miss Stanton 2014, while the name I do not call is the Miss Stanton First Runner Up. Your Miss Stanton 2014 is Amy Smith!" That is not my name, I thought to myself with a plastered smile painted on my face with Chanel lipstick in Cherry Red. My months of preparation, stress, dedication and volunteering was only enough to earn me the Title of Miss Stanton First Runner Up. I was *extremely upset...initially, then it dawned on me that even though I technically had lost I still consider myself a winner because of all the great things I learned from the experience. My failure to win Miss Stanton taught me many life lessons that in result affected me by discovering a passion of mine. A lesson I learned from doing Miss Stanton is that everything happens for a reason whether it's obvious or not, and my reason for being in the Miss Stanton Pageant was not to win but to grow relationships with new people and to learn. The 12 other Miss Stanton Contestants and I all became sisters through the experience abetting each other to be more confident and do well in not only the pageant but school, sports and other extracurriculars of our interest. Whenever I was feeling weak during my Junior year because of my rigorous courses they all encouraged me and helped me push through and finish. Miss Stanton also helped me grow a strong relationship with my Television Production Teacher of 3 years and Leadership Teacher Mrs. More who was the Pageant Director. Mrs. More became a role model of mine helping me grow my religion in my relationship with Christ. The Miss Stanton Pageant also taught me to not be afraid to put myself out there and be judged which I am applying to my life by going to the Districts Thespians Festival for Musical Theatre. The Miss Stanton Pageant not only taught me vital lessons but also affected me by helping me learn a lot about myself. Miss Stanton's on stage question helped me become more confident in myself and comfortable publicly speaking. The interview portion of the Pageant helped me become more comfortable speaking to adults and people I've never met before. I had a new found passion for publicly speaking and talking about things I cared about which aided me through the competitive interview process of the part time job I currently hold. The Volunteering I did through Miss Stanton to help raise money for less fortunate kids has affected me by helping me discover a desire I have to help others and influence them in a positive way. Through my church and community I have already created the Daniel Children's Home Service Project dedicated to donating supplies and food to The Daniel Home for Orphaned Children in my community. The Miss Stanton Pageant sparked a craving of mine to do more Pageants where I can practice both of my new found loves: public speaking and volunteering to help orphaned children, which I plan to do in the Spring. Although I did not win The Miss Stanton Pageant I don't fully consider myself a failure because failure is not really failure if you learn something from the experience. Indeed I did and I would choose my lessons learned from the Pageant over winning a thousand times over.
"The name I announce on this card is the name of Miss Stanton 2014, while the name I do not call is the Miss Stanton First Runner Up. Your Miss Stanton 2014 is Amy Smith!" That is not my name, I thought to myself with a plastered smile painted on my face with Chanel lipstick in Cherry Red. My months of preparation, stress, dedication and volunteering was only enough to earn me the Title of Miss Stanton First Runner Up. I was *extremely upset...initially, then it dawned on me that even though I technically had lost I still consider myself a winner because of all the great things I learned from the experience. My failure to win Miss Stanton taught me many life lessons that in result affected me by discovering a passion of mine. A lesson I learned from doing Miss Stanton is that everything happens for a reason whether it's obvious or not, and my reason for being in the Miss Stanton Pageant was not to win but to grow relationships with new people and to learn. The 12 other Miss Stanton Contestants and I all became sisters through the experience abetting each other to be more confident and do well in not only the pageant but school, sports and other extracurriculars of our interest. Whenever I was feeling weak during my Junior year because of my rigorous courses they all encouraged me and helped me push through and finish. Miss Stanton also helped me grow a strong relationship with my Television Production Teacher of 3 years and Leadership Teacher Mrs. More who was the Pageant Director. Mrs. More became a role model of mine helping me grow my religion in my relationship with Christ. The Miss Stanton Pageant also taught me to not be afraid to put myself out there and be judged which I am applying to my life by going to the Districts Thespians Festival for Musical Theatre. The Miss Stanton Pageant not only taught me vital lessons but also affected me by helping me learn a lot about myself. Miss Stanton's on stage question helped me become more confident in myself and comfortable publicly speaking. The interview portion of the Pageant helped me become more comfortable speaking to adults and people I've never met before. I had a new found passion for publicly speaking and talking about things I cared about which aided me through the competitive interview process of the part time job I currently hold. The Volunteering I did through Miss Stanton to help raise money for less fortunate kids has affected me by helping me discover a desire I have to help others and influence them in a positive way. Through my church and community I have already created the Daniel Children's Home Service Project dedicated to donating supplies and food to The Daniel Home for Orphaned Children in my community. The Miss Stanton Pageant sparked a craving of mine to do more Pageants where I can practice both of my new found loves: public speaking and volunteering to help orphaned children, which I plan to do in the Spring. Although I did not win The Miss Stanton Pageant I don't fully consider myself a failure because failure is not really failure if you learn something from the experience. Indeed I did and I would choose my lessons learned from the Pageant over winning a thousand times over.
Top answer
If it is an essay, you need to structure it in the form of paragraphs. Have you studied how to do that yet? If not, here is some basic info.
- If it is an essay, you need to structure it in the form of paragraphs.
- Have you studied how to do that yet?
- If not, here is some basic info.
- Clive
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2 Answers
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If it is an essay, you need to structure it in the form of paragraphs.
Have you studied how to do that yet? If not, here is some basic info.
Clive
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Clive is right. You need to make an introductory paragraph, two or three argument paragraphs, one per point, and then a conclusion.
Also, I read your first sentence a few times and still don't quite get the point. Who is announcing? What card is it? There is no context to this sentence, so the reader is confused.
Also, I read your first sentence a few times and still don't quite get the point. Who is announcing? What card is it? There is no context to this sentence, so the reader is confused.
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