Please help correct my essay for ielts writing part 2

*Topic:

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

*Answer:

Taking up a hobby is one the best ways to help ourselves relax after hard-working hours. However, a majority of people take very little notice to hobbies these days. The fact that not many people have a hobby may be attributed to two factors including time and income. It also has some negative effects on the life, health and social relationships of a person.

The first reason why people do no care much about hobbies is the lack of time. Most of the hobbies take up a lot of time. Unfortunately, we are living in an era where people are always in short of time. Adults spend time on work, extra work, housework and childcare. Since they have to take most of their time learning, doing all sorts of schoolwork and household chores, children and teenagers are no exception. After such a heavy load of work, all of them are way too exhausted to enjoy their hobbies. In our world today, money plays a vital role. That is the reason why people prioritize it over everything else. Some hobbies are costly because people need money to buy what it takes to pursue their hobbies.

This matter can badly impact a person. First and foremost, boredom is a direct result when people live without any hobbies because all they ever know is every kind of work. Secondly, as a result of overwork and boredom, one may be under very threat of depression and other kinds of diseases which can devastate one’s mental and physical life. Last but not least, social life is also affected. People who do not have a particular hobby will find it difficult to connect with others because they share no common. For this reason, those people will have very few social contacts and the chances of their being depressed is far higher.

All in all, a life without a hobby is perhaps not mentally healthy and happy one. Therefore, one should start his own hobby irrespective of his shortage of time and money for the sake of his own.

Thank you very much for your help<3