Please help check my IELTS essay

Dear all,

Please help check my IELTS essay and suggest any better way to express my ideas. Thanks a lot for your kind help!

Topic: We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that because helping everyone in the world is impossible, we should focus only on people in need in our own society. I disagree with this point of view, in a belief that we should try to help as many people as we can no matter where they live.

On the one hand, helping people in other countries is totally possible and sometimes more simple than people might think it is. A serious problem that poor countries have to encounter can be solved thanks to support from wealthier countries. For example, when children are dying from curable diseases in African nations, governments in developed countries can save lives by taking a fraction of money in their budget to pay for vaccines that already exists. For individuals who are concerned about disadvantaged people outside their nation, there are usually international charity organizations that enable them to deliver their donation to people in need around the world.

At the same time, helping other countries can strengthen the relationship between nations, which benefits each nation involved. Japan, one of the most developed countries in Asia, has been supporting Vietnam economy for years by continuously investing in various industries and by giving sponsorship to Vietnamese students who desire to study in Japan with high-quality educational system. With the gratitude for what the neighbor country has done, when there was a serious earthquake in Japan causing thousands of injuries and deaths, Vietnamese citizens were more than willing to donate their money, supporting Japanese victims both economically and mentally with the hope that they would soon go through the tough situation. The mutual support among countries, in a broader perspective, could lessen international conflict, which might lead to wars if it is extremely tense and serious.

In conclusion, it is true that we are unable to help everyone, but I strongly believe that national boundaries should not stop us from helping those who need our support.