Please have a look at my LoM, I really need help with the structure...

0Hi all,02br
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00I'm another person that needs help with a Letter of Motivation... It would be great if you had a look at it. I would be very thankful for any comment on the structure, grammar..., also I'm interested in the expression you would have of me after reading the lom.02br
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00The institution I apply at gave the following information for the lom: 00Please write (on a separate sheet of paper) a statement explaining your current goals, 00career plans and reasons for being interested in a doctoral program at the University of 00. Discuss your study plans and your intended fields of interest. Your statement 00should be in English and not exceed two pages (not more than 700 words). (Btw, this lom is not meant as a cover letter.)02br
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00OK, here's the first version of me lom (I x marked the local information to avoid that the selection panel could find it in the www, I know, it's a little paranoid... ;-))02br
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00cheers, jorgy02br
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00Dear Prof. Dr. X,02br
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00I am a 25 year old German Sociologist currently working at the X at X. I am writing to you to apply for the Doctoral Program in Sociology at the 00 for X at the University X starting in December 2007.02br
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00To attend your Doctoral Program (both in capital letters?) on empirical and quantitative methods is of high interest for me because during my studies of Sociology and Political Sciences at the 00 from 2001 till 2006 I have developed a great interest in empirical social research. While I gained work experience as a student assistant at X from 2001 to 2005 I became awake that I want to start a career as a researcher in the field of empirical social sciences. A first important step towards that goal was obtaining an award from the “X” in November 2005. They funded me for 13 month to work on an expertise about the “Efficiency of the Measurement of Further Education” wherein I compared and evaluated the measurement of further education in four different German surveys. Since this was a part time project I was able to spend three month (May to July 2006) at the Marketing Department at 00, working as a research assistant on the X Survey Programme. This gave me the opportunity to gather more work experience with a large data set and to improve my English as well in written and spoken in an international environment. Throughout my task on the funded project and on the X data I recognised once more that methodology and quantitative methods are substantial for any social research.02br
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00Since January 2007 I am now working as a researcher at X on a project which aims to enhance the quality of the X Survey. Within that project it comes apparent to me again that the use of appropriate methods is crucial to get reliable and valid results exceedingly in the cross-national comparison. 00Therefore I intend to do my doctoral studies on empirical and quantitative methods whereas my main interest lies in survey methodology for cross-national studies. Thus the topic of my doctoral thesis should be related to a topic dealing with establishment of comparability of data in cross-national surveys. Hence I need a solid education in the fields of empirical and quantitative methods which I expect to obtain in your Doctoral Program.02br
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00Additionally I want to mention two more reasons why I have a great interest to gain a doctor’s degree in your program. The first is that the training in empirical and quantitative methods at your 00 is combined with their application to business, economics, and the social sciences. Moreover, notwithstanding the decision for one study field, in my case i.e. Sociology, the exchange across the different disciplines is fostered amongst other things through attending to a seminar in a neighbouring field and through the contact to other 00 students who specialise in these other disciplines. A second reason why I appreciate your 00 is the excellent and international orientated research environment. Both the Social Sciences faculty and the cooperating centres are internationally well renowned and house experts in their fields. This and to study in an English speaking environment would provide me with skills which are necessary to compete internationally successful as a researcher.00 02br
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00I honestly feel confident that the Doctor in Sociology with a focus on empirical and quantitative methods would be the best choice for me. Furthermore it would be an 00honor00 for me to be a doctoral student at the 00 00 funded under the “X” as the first of its kind in 010200. Therefore I would be glad of receiving the opportunity to attend the Graduate School of X. 02br
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00Thank you very much for considering my application. I’m looking forward hearing from you.02br
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00Sincerely yours 0-