0
Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Please grammar check (short)

Hi!

Please take look at this sentence? Is it grammatical and fluent?

We have a special eye laser correction surgery offer for management, employees, and customers of “XXXX" with special prices!

With XXX, I mean a company's name Emotion: smile

Much appreciated!
  

Top answer

Anonymous We have a special eye laser correction surgery offer I realize/realise that this can exist, but five defining words preceding "offer" might be non-fluent. If this is within a letter, I would expect it to be in "flyer" form: with a non-grammatical approach then possible. Eye Laser correction surgery - performed by qualified surgeons!

  • Anonymous We have a special eye laser correction surgery offer I realize/realise that this can exist, but five defining words preceding "offer" might be non-fluent.
  • If this is within a letter, I would expect it to be in "flyer" form: with a non-grammatical approach then possible.
  • Eye Laser correction surgery - performed by qualified surgeons!
  • We have a special offer (for a limited time) for ...
  • the rest seems OK.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

2 Answers
0
AnonymousWe have a special eye laser correction surgery offer
I realize/realise that this can exist, but five defining words preceding "offer" might be non-fluent.
If this is within a letter, I would expect it to be in "flyer" form: with a non-grammatical approach then possible.
Eye Laser correction surgery - performed by qualified surgeons!
We ha
0
It is not as clear as it could be. Right now, you are piling all the modifiers together in a heap. I would combine some and separate out others. "Special offer" goes together, as does "eye-correction surgery." So, I would word it thus:
We have a special discount on laser eye-correction surgery for the management, employees, and customers of XXXX.

I hope this helps

Related Questions