Please grade my IELTS writing task 2

Some people think that money is the best gift to give to young people while others think other types of gifts are better for young people.

Some people are of the opinion that the greatest present for the youth nowadays is money, while others argue that there are a variety of gifts which suit young people more. While there are compelling arguments for the second view, I still believe the former one makes more sense.
To start with, presents are considered as a form of formality, so thoughtfulness is a must. Despite the receiver being young, a gift still represented something, sometimes it can be a memory or a symbol of trust. Furthermore, if the teenager was emotionally exhausted, that gifts would be their joy of the day. Finally, thoughtful or not, a small gift can have an impact on the youth but can not meet the need (demand) for material.
On the other hand, I believe that these critics have failed to take many factors into account. With the growth of material prices, comes the need for money. Although the advance in technology could give the younger generation the access to more career opportunities, that does mean they can make an income immediately. So, by giving them an allowance could result in supporting their small business or helping them with school-related needs. All in all, money might not be the best option as regard to the social norm but could make a big outcome.
In conclusion, I understand why a lot of people are skeptical of making money as a gift, however, I still believe that this will help the younger generation more in their life needs.