Please give me your opinion for this essay

Question

“Some people believe university education aims to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.”

There is an inherent perception in our society that the easiest way to achieve success is by going to universities. And they all have their rigid argument to identify in that way. Some of them believe in opportunities to get better jobs, others believe in wider benefits for both individuals and society. In my opinion, the second view may reflect the benefits of university education.

There is a truth that we can't deny is people who graduate from universities always have better jobs and better lives than people who do not go to universities. That why lots of young people nowadays decide to go to university in the place of colleges or vocational schools. Most of them go to universities with the belief that they could have a high-salary job someday. In recent years, some jobs are becoming hotter and hotter, such as technology engineers, programmers, businessmen, doctors, etc. Otherwise, a university degree can give you better chances to apply for your dream job. And an individual who gets a university education also is educated in a systematic and repertoires way.

On the other hand, the aims of university education are not just for individuals but also for society. Individuals can go to universities to get a better education as society has a better labor source. Employers can also cooperate with universities to help them educate their future employees on their requirements. This cooperation will help employers have better employees when universities have more financial sources to improve their education. For the government, this can be a decisive solution to finish unemployment in university bachelors.

In conclusion, the benefits of university education belong to everyone, not just individuals but also society.

Englishmaven · Accepted Answer

There is an inherent perception in our society that the easiest way to achieve success is by going to universities. And they (“they” who”? There is no reference for “they.” You were talking about and inherent perception.) all have their rigid argument to identify in that way. Some of them (who?) believe in opportunities to get better jobs, others believe in wider benefits for both individuals and society. In my opinion, the second view may better reflect the benefits of university education.

There is a truth that we (I wouldn’t use “we.”) There is a truth that can’t be denied: people who graduate from universities always have better jobs and better lives with the belief that they could have a high-salary job someday. In recent years, some professions are becoming hotter and hotter, such as technology engineers, programmers, businessmen, doctors, etc. Otherwise, a university degree can give you (Don’t use “you.” Otherwise, a university degree can provide better chances to apply for a dream job.) And an individual who acquires a university education also (You already said “and.” Delete “also.” You could use “additionally” instead of “and.”) is educated in a systematic and repertoires (“Repertoires” is not used correctly. In the first place, when a noun is used before another noun as an adjective, it is singular, not plural: shoe store, not shoes store. At any rate, it doesn’t work well before “way.” Use “repertoir/repertoires” in a different phrase or sentence. It is a nice word to use.) way.

On the other hand, the aims of a university education are not just for individuals but also for society. Individuals can go to universities to get a better education as society has a better labor source. Employers can also cooperate with universities to help them educate their future employees on their requirements. This cooperation will help employers have better employees when universities have more financial sources to improve their education. For the government, this can be a decisive solution to end unemployment in university degree holders.

In conclusion, the benefits of a university education belong to everyone, not just individuals but also society.

You took the stand early in the paper that you believed the advantage for society was greater than the advantage for the individual, but you wrote more about the individual’s benefits. You should rewrite the stance you take.

Please give me your opinion for this essay

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