Please give me some reviews on my IELTS essay. Thank you so much

Write about the following topic:
Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times,
particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy.
Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

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My writing:

The matter of falling quality of education is of great importance these days. In this essay, I intend to address the sources of this problem as well as some viable solutions to it.

From my perspective, the primary cause of sub-standard education is the lack of discipline. In the past, the teachers are allowed to smack or cane students for the sake of maintaining order in class. However, for the last ten years, physical punishment is frowned upon by many parents, which leaves the teacher powerless in their classes. The number of students who are misbehaved and neglect their study, consequently, increases dramatically. Undeniable is the fact that there are a large number of alternatives for corporal punishment. Nonetheless, I believe applying an appropriate level of physical punishment is the most effective method for educating children.

Another contributing factor to the matter of declined education standard is that the students pay undue attention to many “soft” subjects like drawing, physical education or music. Interesting they may be, though, these subjects serve to distract students from studying “core” subjects. The more time they spend drawing, the less time they study practical and essential subjects, namely mathematic or English. Thus, before encouraging children to develop other skills, the school should draw their attention to the primary ones.

By way of conclusion, this matter is extremely complicated as it will have a great effect on the future generation. Even though the above measures may not resolve this problem in the short term, I believe it can make a significant change in the near future.