Please give me some feedback on my IELTS Writing Task 2. Thank you so much!!

Question: Pop stars earn much more than classical music performers. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there has been a controversy that whether or not should money paid for people who sing pop music is more than that for classical music performers. This essay will give insight into both views before delivering my opinion towards this topic.

On the one hand, there are two predominant reasons why pop singers should stand the chances to earn more money than those performing classical music. The first reason is with regards to their short career. To be specific, as pop singers tend to wrap others' attention with their attractive appearances, they will take higher risks of being unemployed at a very young age due to the declined interests of their fans when they are no longer beautiful. This can obviously be seen in many Korean bands, whose some members have to leave the group because of the discrimination of the band's fans towards their unappealing outlook when comparing to other remaining members. Moreover, unlike classical music performers who only pay a marginal amount of money for their stages' renting and costumes, pop singers have to pay numerous extra money, when they produce or advertise for their new MVs, for example. Thus, it is justifiable that they earn more money to compensate for these costs.

However, I am of the opinion that the amount of money that classical music performers earn should be more or at least the same as that of pop singers. Firstly, it takes classical music performers lots of time and hard practices to be a professional classical music performers. Specifically, in order to stand on the stages and perform songs, while it requires pop singers only a good appearance and a sound voice, classical music performers have to undergo a plethora of intensive and extortionate classes at universities with the aim of simultaneously feeling the song's ryhme and playing their sophisticated instruments properly. Furthermore, it has been proved by many studies that listening to classical music is therapeutic to human, which is extremely indispensable in this era, when people are struggling to relieve themselves from hectic schedule and workloads. Hence, more money should be allocated to the salary of classical music performers owing to the sentimental and physical sakes their music brings to listeners.

To conclude, I believe that classical music performers should earn more or at least the same as pop singers due to the amount of money and hard work they have to go through before starting their career and the benefits the music they perform brings to listeners.

Thank you so much for your help!!!