Please give me some feedback on my IELTS Writing Task 1. Thanks!

Question

The diagram below shows how ethanol fuel is produced from corn.The diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing ethanol fuel from corn.Overall, there are eight distinct stages, from the initial harvesting of corn to the eventual delivery of ethanol production.In the beginning, qualified corns from fields are conveyed to stocks with suitable conditions before coming to the milling stage. In a milling machine, they are crushed into fine powder. Subsequently, water is added to the cornstarch and this mixture is cooked within 4 hours. It then undergoes a fermentation process, which occurs for 2 days.The following two steps both involve extracting ethanol fuel. While liquid separated from the fermented mixture is the ethanol solution, solid is taken out and processed as a by-product. It takes 5 hours to filter pure ethanol out of the water and remove impurities. The final products are stored for a set period of time before being transported to retailers, ready for different consumptions.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing ethanol fuel from corn.

Overall, there are ~~eight distinct~~ three stages, from the ~~initial~~ cultivation and harvesting of corn, processing to extract ethanol, and delivery to customers. Processing requires about 3-4 days. ~~to the eventual delivery of ethanol production~~. (Group the steps into larger categories. It will be a better essay.)

In the beginning, qualified corns from fields are conveyed to stocks with suitable conditions (That is not on the diagram.) before coming to the milling stage. In a milling machine, they are crushed into fine powder. Subsequently, water is added to the cornstarch and this mixture is cooked within (wrong word) 4 hours. It then is fermented ~~undergoes a fermentation process, which occurs~~ for 2 days.

The following two steps ~~both involve~~ extract~~ing~~ ethanol fuel from the output of the fermentation step. ~~While~~ The liquid separated from the fermented mixture is an ethanol and water solution, and the solids are is taken out ~~and processed~~ as a by-product. It takes 5 hours to filter pure ethanol out of the water and remove impurities. The final products are stored ~~for a set period of time~~ before being transported to retailers, (Incorrect. They are mostly sent to an oil refinery, which combines the ethanol with gasoline, but there are other industries that use ethanol as a raw material. ) ~~ready for different consumptions~~. (poor English)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The process flow diagram illustrates the production of ethanol (a fuel) from corn.

Overall, there are three major stages in the process, preparing the corn, extracting the ethanol, and then handling the final product. The central steps in the extraction process take about three days, with two of those days being used for fermentation.

In detail, raw harvested corn is the main ingredient. It is held in grain silos and stored until needed by the ethanol processing facility. The first step is to grind it in a milling machine. The ground corn is combined with water and boiled for about four hours. The mixture is next put in a fermenting vat for two days. After that, it is separated into two phases, one liquid and one solid. The solids are used for making other products; it is the liquid which contains the desired product, ethanol. However, at this point, it is mixed with water and impurities which must be removed.. To extract the ethanol, the liquid goes through a purification process which requires about five hours. The output, pure ethanol, can be stored in tanks and transported to refineries.

Please give me some feedback on my IELTS Writing Task 1. Thanks!

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