Please give me some feedback on my IELTS Writing Task 1. Thanks!

Question

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.The six pie charts plot how much water is consumed in different sectors of six regions, namely North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia. The three outputs shown are industry, agriculture, and domestic use.Overall, while a majority of water is provided for the industry in North America and Europe, the other four areas utilize it mostly for agricultural activities.The shares of total amount devoted to three sectors in North America and Europe are nearly the same, with the highest proportions of around a half in industry. Next comes agriculture, accounting for 39% and 32% respectively, and finally the remaining 15% each or below is for domestic purposes.With respect to the other four regions, they concentrate water source into agriculture with more than 80% of the total (South America is around 10% lower). Of particular note is that domestic activities in South America have the largest consumption of water among the six areas, comprising roughly a fifth. Meanwhile, minimal percentages are allocated to industry and domestic use in Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia, ranging from 12% to 19%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The six pie charts plot ~~how much~~ (How much would be a number such as 39 million liters. e.g. How much water do you drink each day?) the percentage of water is consumed by agriculture, industry and households in ~~different sectors of~~ six regions, namely North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia. ~~The three outputs shown are industry, agriculture, and domestic use.~~ (Output is incorrect.)

Example:

The six pie charts compare the relative amounts of water used in three different economic sectors (Industry, Agriculture and Domestic use) among six regions of the world, four continents (Europe, Africa, North and South America) and two large areas of Asia (Central and South East).

Overall, while a majority of water is provided for ~~the~~ industry in North America and Europe, the other four areas utilize it mostly for agriculture ~~activities~~.

The shares ~~of total amount devoted to~~ apportioned among the three sectors in North America and Europe are nearly the same, with the highest being ~~proportions of~~ around a half in industry. Next comes agriculture, accounting for 39% and 32% respectively, and finally the remaining 15% ~~each or below~~ is for domestic purposes. (You do not need a second "detail" paragraph. ) ~~With respect to~~ In the other four regions, ~~they concentrate~~ water is predominantly used for ~~source into~~ agriculture with more than 80% of the total (South America is around 10% lower). Of particular note is that ~~domestic activities~~ the households in South America have the largest relative consumption of water among the six areas, comprising roughly a fifth. Meanwhile, minimal percentages are allocated to industry and domestic use in Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia, ranging from 12% to 19%.

Overall, the four regions with developing countries, Africa, Asia and South America, use a much higher proportion of water for agriculture than the two continents with industrialized countries, North America and Europe. North America and Europe have nearly identical patterns of water usage.

The highest percentage of agricultural water use is in Central Asia, nearly 90%. But it is closely followed by Africa, at 88% and South East Asia at just over 80%. The remaining water usage in Africa and Central Asia is nearly equally divided between the domestic and industrial sectors. South East Asia uses about twice as much water for industry as for households, 12 and 7 percent, respectively. In contrast, Europe and North America allocate about half their water to industry, 52% and 48%, with agriculture coming second, 32% and 39%. South America is similar to other developing regions with the highest usage, 71% for agriculture. But it is the region with the largest domestic use, at 19%, compared to 15% for Europe and 13% for North America.

Please give me some feedback on my IELTS Writing Task 1. Thanks!

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