PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK AND MY SCORE!!!THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!!

Question

Topic: The chart below shows the results of a survey about people' coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.Summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.HERE IS MY ESSAY:The given chart illustrates the surveyed results about people's consuming habits of two beverages in different Australian urban areas.Overall, going to cafe for coffee or tea is the most popular choice in most cities, except Adelaide. The recorded number during the same period of time also reveals that the city dwellers prefer instant coffee than the the fresh ones.Looking at the chart for more details, it is obvious that about 64% of Melbourne's residents going to coffee shops,and this number was slightly higher to the figure for Hobart and Sydney. Bisrbane is comparabably high with about 55%, followed by Adelaide with around 49% which is the only city where this category was not the highest. Meanwhile, fresh coffee accounts for the lowest proportion of consumers in all the cities.The figures for Sydney,Melbourne and Hobart are 44%,43% and nearly 40% respectively.Brisbane and Adelaide share the similarity in the level of preference with approximately 35%.Turning to instant coffee, this product is the favourite choice in Adelaide with 50% whilst Hobart records the highest number among five cities(54%).Moreover, there is only just about 45% of people choosing instant coffee in Sydney during tha last four weeks while the figures for Melbourne and Brisbane was 5% and nearly 10% higher respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays, so you understand what words you are not using correctly and the phrases without any information that should be deleted.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You have a lot of spacing errors. Put a space after the ending punctuation before you begin a new sentence.

The g~~iven~~ chart illustrates the surveyed results about people's consuming habits of two beverages (What are they? Coke and Milk?) in different Australian urban areas. (How many of them? What are they? What time frame is associated with this survey? What were the questions on the survey? Your first paragraph is not very informative.)

Overall, going to cafe for coffee or tea is the most popular choice in most cities, except Adelaide. The ~~recorded~~ number during the same period of time (You have never mentioned any time period.) also reveals that the city dwellers (What city?) prefer instant coffee than the the fresh ones.

~~Looking at the chart for more details, it is obvious that~~ about 64% of Melbourne's residents going (wrong verb form) to coffee shops,and ~~this number~~ it was slightly higher to (wrong word) the figure (wrong word) for Hobart and Sydney. Bisrbane is comparabably high with about 55%, followed by Adelaide with around 49% which is the only city where this category was not the highest. Meanwhile, fresh coffee accounts for the lowest proportion of consumers in all the cities.The figures (wrong word) for Sydney,Melbourne and Hobart are 44%,43% and nearly 40% respectively.Brisbane and Adelaide share the similarity in the level of preference with approximately 35%.

~~Turning to~~ instant coffee, ~~this product~~ is the favourite choice in Adelaide with 50% whilst Hobart records the highest percentage ~~number~~ among five cities(54%).Moreover, there is only just (Use either "only" or "just" not both) about 45% ~~of people~~ choosing instant coffee in Sydney during tha last four weeks while the ~~figures~~ percentages for Melbourne and Brisbane was (wrong verb form) 5% and nearly 10% higher respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

This sample essay is much too long (270 words), but it will give you ideas on how to write this type of essay and avoid repetition.

Outline:

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure and all its attributes. Do not mention any of the data content.
Paragraph 2: Pick out 2 or 3 main features.
Paragraph 3: Write about a few details. Focus on comparing and contrasting the different categories.

A survey was conducted in five cities in Australia (Adelaide, Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, and Sydney) asking residents if they had purchased tea or coffee in the past four weeks. The bar chart plots the proportion of residents in each of the cities who responded positively to each of these three questions: 1) Did you buy fresh coffee? 2) Did you buy instant coffee? and 3) Did you go to a café to drink tea or coffee?

The highest percentages in each city were the people who had gone to a café. Except for Adelaide, the majority of residents in each city had done this. In second place were the instant coffee buyers, the city of Adelaide again being the exception.

The cities of Sydney, Hobart and Melbourne had the highest proportions on the chart; more than six of every ten people there had recently enjoyed a cup of tea or coffee in a café. On the other extreme, the cities of Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest percentages; in particular, a bit over one-third (34%) were buyers of fresh coffee. Generally, people in these five cities bought instant coffee more than fresh coffee, and the gap could be fairly wide. As an example, in Brisbane, the gap was nearly 20%, 52% to 34%. In Adelaide, about half the residents both bought instant coffee (50%) and frequented a café, (49%). That was the smallest difference between three categories in all the cities. And in three of the cities, a half or more had purchased instant coffee; these were Hobart (54%), Brisbane (53%) and Adelaide (50%).

PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK AND MY SCORE!!!THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!!

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