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Mango slide 639 Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please give me some comments on my Writing

It is argued that the parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree?

I'm struggling with my IELTS writing task 2, it would be wonderful if someone can lend a hand. Many thanks!

Essay:

In recent years, juvenile crime has become much more popular. There is an argument that parents of these young lawbreakers should be punished as educating children is their responsibility. I completely agree with this view.

The first and foremost reason why parents should be held responsible for their children’s actions is that it is the parents’ job to educate their children. Children often do not perceive what is legally accepted, therefore, parents should be the ones who show them how to behave properly. For most children, a lack of parental guide could easily result in committing a crime. For example, it is reported that the majority of children who engaged in criminal activities in the UK did not have the knowledge that their action is considered illegal. This fundamental knowledge should be taught carefully by parents and if this cannot be done, faults belong to these educators.

Furthermore, if parents are not punished because of their children’s behavior, there might be a sharp drop in child care responsibility. Without clear regulations to make parents more responsible for their children, they would pay less attention to their offspring and spend less time correcting children’s behavior. This is likely due to the reason that nobody would be convicted and fined if children take part in unlawful acts. Therefore, if this is the case, child-rearing tasks would not receive the respect that it should have and there is a high possibility that teenage crime would continue to rise.

In conclusion, there is an important mission for society to reduce the amount of crime among young children. In my opinion, imposing strict punishment on parents plays a pivotal role in this objective.

  

Top answer

Hello, I have made corrections in red. My comments and advice are blue. Long wordy or confusing parts are underlined and crossed out.

  • Hello, I have made corrections in red.
  • My comments and advice are blue.
  • Long wordy or confusing parts are underlined and crossed out.
  • It is argued that the parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions.
  • To what extent do you agree?
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1 Answers
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Hello,

I have made corrections in red.

My comments and advice are blue.

Long wordy or confusing parts are underlined and crossed out.

It is argued that the par

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