Please give me recommendations on my task 2 essay!

Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which do you think is a better educational system?

HERE'S MY WRITING:

In many countries, students at the age of 15 are made to study only certain subjects at school while in other educational systems, students need to study a wide variety of subjects in the school curriculum. Each type of education has their own advantages and I believe that the focused system outweighs the comprehensive one.

The curriculum in which students concentrate more on definite subjects is beneficial to some extent. The primary reason is that students are able to put their minds into things that are more important at school. When they don’t have to study other subjects, they will have more time to spend on their majors and other extracurricular activities. For example, when a high school student needs to study only natural science subjects like maths, chemistry and physics, she will be talented in that area. From that, she will have more time to take part in projects and campaigns that enhance her social skills and have more valuable time to spend with her family members.

On the other hand, when students study all subjects at an early age of 15, they will have a broad knowledge of every aspect of life. If young students have a chance to approach a vast amount of knowledge, this will broaden their horizon and allow them to understand every field in life. Hence, this will make them become comprehensive citizens and therefore boost the economic development of their nation. Take the Vietnamese boy called “The Google kid”, the champion of “The way to Olympia peak” contest for example. Due to his excellent performance in every aspect, he won a full-pride scholarship to an international university in Australia and returned to work in Vietnam later.

In short, both education systems have profound benefits to a country and I maintain that it is more practical to apply the specialized method at school and governments should encourage teachers and students to adopt this idea into their educational programs.

(324 words)