Please give me feedback on my Ielts writing task 2 essay. Thanks a lot.

Hi everyone, please help me improve my Ielts writing task 2 essay. Thanks a lot for any support.

Women should give up their jobs and go back to their traditional roles of home maker in order to reduce world’s unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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I am completely opposed to sexual discrimination. There is an unreasonable idea that women should work as a full-time home maker to reduce unemployment. Followings are my main arguments.

First, in fact, there are so many women better than men at various fields such as science, literature and politics. For example, Marie Curie is one of the most influential scientist in human history with her chemical explores and devotions to science. In my country, the Vice-president, an admirable woman, has more political power and contributions than the President. It was she that has directly run the national plan to eliminate poverty for last 7 years, helping 20 million people reach their basic needs. Mental ability of women is equal to men, and in some particular fields they are more skillful than men. In my country, after thousands of years being dominated by men, most of precious literature awards are received by female writers this year.

Second, forcing women to leave their offices will lead to a huge chaos in the international economy. In reality, Japanese government has an opposed idea, encouraging women to participate in workforce. Local men are not satisfying the need of labor in the third largest economy of the world. In global scale, if women, almost a half of labors in the world, would leave their recent jobs and spend all time on taking care of their home and family, the economic scale would have suddenly reduced to a half of what it is now. Recession would cover every country and the unemployment rates would dramatically rise.

In short, we cannot sacrifice women's freedom to solve the unemployment problem. With admirable talents, female workers are indispensible in their office. Due to their crucial role in business, firing them just cause huge damage for our economy. Moreover, fairness is one of the core values that make our civilization more developed.

(312 words).