Please give me feedback about my IELTS Task 1: pie chart

Question

The pie charts give information about the amount of water used for various purposes, including residential, industry, and agriculture, in San Diego County, California and the whole world.

Overall, more water is consumed by houses than by industry or agriculture in the two American regions. By contrast, agriculture is the most popular purpose for using water in the rest of the world.

With regards to residential and industrial purposes, water consumption in San Diego accounts for more than a four fifth of total use, with the percentage of residential purposes being 60%. Likewise, while nearly three-quarters of total water in California is used for homes and industry; there is only a 6% difference between the two purposes. In stark contrast, in the global world, water used for residential areas accounts for only 8% of the total, compared to that for industry by a ratio of 1 to 3.

In terms of agriculture, there are dramatic differences that can be seen between two cities and throughout the world. Interestingly, nearly a massive 70% of total water is used in agriculture, whereas, only less than a fifth of total water in San Diego and slightly more than a quarter of total water in California are used for this field.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Linh Ha ThuyThe pie charts give information about the amount of water used for various purposes, including residential, industry, and agriculture, in San Diego County, California and the whole world.

1. How many pie charts are there? You need to give a number.

2. Give information about is very vague. Information can be almost anything under the sun.

3. Amounts of water are measured in liters or gallons or other liquid measure, such as cubic meters. Are amounts on these charts?

4. Including means that your list is incomplete. Are there five or ten purposes, of which these three are included?

5. You have fallen into the trap that was set by the people who wrote this task. San Diego is a city in California. San Diego County is one of the many counties in the state of California. Its full name is "San Diego Country, California". So when your write this phrase, it means one geographical area.

So your writing indicates two pie charts, one for the whole world and one for San Diego County, California.

Please try to write a good opening sentence that describes the figure more accurately.

You can post it as a comment or reply.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your essay is 214 words, a little too long. Aim for 170-190 words for Task 1.

Overall, more water is consumed by households ~~houses~~ than by industry or agriculture in the two American regions. By contrast, agriculture consumes the most ~~is the most popular~~ (wrong word. A film star or rock music group or other famous people are popular. Popular means that people like it a lot. "popular" does not really apply to water. ) ~~purpose for using~~ water in the rest of the world.

With regards to residential and industrial purposes, water consumption in San Diego (San Diego is not one of these three regions. San Diego is a city. The city lies within a county. The county lies within a state. The state lies within the country.) accounts for more than a four fifth (Wrong. four fifths is 80%. You meant four tenths. One tenth is 10%. Two tenths = one fifth = 20%, three tenths = 30%, and four tenths = two fifths = 40%. ) of total use, with the percentage of used for residential purposes being 60%. ~~Likewise,~~ While nearly three-quarters of ~~total~~ the water used in California is used for households ~~homes~~ and industry; there is only a 6% difference between these two purposes. In stark contrast, in the ~~global~~ world, water used for residential purposes ~~areas~~ accounts for only 8% of the total, compared to that for industry with 23%. ~~by a ratio of 1 to 3~~.

In terms of agriculture, there are dramatic differences that can be seen between two cities (None of these areas is a city. Which two cities are you writing about?) and throughout the world. Interestingly, nearly a ~~massive~~ 70% of total water is used in agriculture, whereas, ~~only~~ less than a fifth ~~of total water~~ in San Diego (San Diego is not one of these three regions.) and slightly more than a quarter ~~of total water~~ in California are used for this ~~field~~.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The three pie charts give a breakdown of water usage by three economic sectors – Residential, Industry, and Agriculture – in three different geographical areas: Worldwide (except California), California, and one county in California, San Diego County.

In general, the pattern of usage in San Diego County is similar to that of California, in that the domestic use is the largest segment. In California, water usage is fairly balanced between the three sectors. Globally, agriculture takes the highest proportion of water, followed by industry and households.

In detail, 60% of the water used in San Diego County goes to residences, in contrast with a little less than 40% in the state as a whole. Agriculture takes 10% more in the state (28%) than in the county (17%). And less than a quarter (23%) goes to industries in the county compared to a third in the state. Worldwide, industrial water usage is the same percentage as in San Diego County, but the similarities end there. Only 8% is used by households, leaving 69%, which is taken by farmers and ranchers.

Please give me feedback about my IELTS Task 1: pie chart

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