Please give me advice about my motivation letter

Question

I am applying for one of the university in . So will u check my motivation letter please?thanksBen

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi Ben,

Where is it?

Clive

Benwhitney · Answer

Hi clive,
Here it is.

thanks

I, [name], am a [X] year old Electrical Engineer who is interested in Science and Engineering and has a head for it. And now I am working in a leading telecommunication company in [country's name].

I graduated in July 2005 from [X] University, [country's name] with a first class honor degree in Electrical Engineering. During my study, I was exposed to the basic principles of communication system which exited me a lot. Driven with the passion for communication system, I specialized myself in communication system for my final year courses as well as for my final year project entitled Accessing Database through Telephone line. I managed to perform academically well during my 5 years study which help me secure a first class honor degree.

Upon graduation, I joined [X corporation], the one and only well known telecom service provider in [country's name], which gives me an opportunity to apply my knowledge in real life application. Now I am working as a Mobile Communication Project Engineer in BSS (Base Station Subsystem) and MSS (Mobile Switching Subsystem) of <X>, <Y> & <Z> mobile network. And I am also the one who authorized to be user representative of my company for the different GSM (Global Solution For Mobile Communication) expansions project acceptance test with different foreign network vendors such as <X>, <Y> and <Z>.

In my work, I am responsible to control and optimize the mobile network to fulfill customers’ expectations. With my huge perseverance level and good problem solving skills, I manage to deliver a high quality result in every areas of my work. As a team player, I have been involved in various project and have performed well because of my adaptation skill.

Since my country, [country's name], has not gone as such a great step in the telecommunication field, it has been my dream to contribute for the development of this field in the country. Incase if you don’t know, [country's name] is now at take off in telecommunication technology lately. Besides the expansion of the mobile network across the country, the implantation of broadband technologies is one of the many sectors that [the country's] government is focusing on recently. As part of this project, the service of broadband internet became operational a year ago by [the country's] Telecommunication Corporation which is now I am working in. Before the implementation of broadband internet, the only means of getting connected to the internet was dial up. The [the country's] Telecommunication Corporation is by now implementing various projects which are new to my country including the project on broadband multimedia and VSAT. And I want to participate in this project in addition to mobile project. As a citizen and off course as per motivation and desire to study telecommunication engineering, my study will contribute a lot in the development of telecommunication field in my country.

Having been in telecommunication field for one year, I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. In addition to this, the field is not given at a graduate level in my country in the way I expected. Thus, I decided to pursue a Master of Science degree in Broadband Telecommunication Technology in your university to strengthen my knowledge. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Obtaining a quality of master of science from your university will not only strengthen my knowledge in the field to cope with the fast advancement in the technology but will also help me to fulfill my dream to see all people in my country use all telecom services that are currently available for all people in the developed countries but not in my country.

With my strong acadamic background and relevant working experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I also believe that I can make significant contribution to this program.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

[name]

Clive · Answer

Hi Ben,

I've suggested some changes, but it's a pretty good letter.

Good luck with your application.

Clive

I, [name], am a [X] year old electrical engineer who is interested in science and engineering and has a head for it. I am currently employed by a leading telecommunications company in [country's name].

I graduated in July 2005 from [X] University, [country's name],with a first class honors degree in Electrical Engineering. During my study, I was exposed to the basic principles of communication systems, which filled me with enthusiasm.. Driven by this passion, I specialized in communication systems for my final year courses as well as for my final year project, entitled 'Accessing Databases through Telephone Lines.'

Upon graduation, I joined [X corporation], the well known telecom service provider in [country's name], which gives me an opportunity to apply my knowledge in real life applications. Now I am working as a Mobile Communication Project Engineer in the BSS (Base Station Subsystem) and theMSS (Mobile Switching Subsystem) of <X>, <Y> & <Z> mobile networks. ETC has also authorized me as the user representative of my company for the different GSM (Global Solution For Mobile Communication) expansion project acceptance tests with different foreign network vendors, such as <X>, <Y> and <Z>.

In my work, I am responsible for controlling and optimizing the mobile network to fulfill customers' expectations. With my dedication, determination and outstanding problem solving skills, I deliver a high quality result in all areas of my work. As a team player, I have been involved in various projects and have performed well because of my adaptation skills.

Since my country, [country's name], has not yet advanced rapidly in the telecommunications field, it has been my dream to contribute to its further development in my country. [Country's name] is now ready to make these rapid advances in telecommunications technology. Besides the expansion of the mobile network across the country, the implantation of broadband technologies is one of the many sectors that [the country's] government has been focusing on recently. As part of this project, broadband internet service became operational a year ago, due to the efforts of [the country's] Telecommunication Corporation where I now work. Before the implementation of broadband internet, the only means of getting connected to the internet was dial up. The [the country's] Telecommunication Corporation is by now implementing various projects which are new to my country including the project on broadband multimedia and VSAT. I want to participate in such projects, and hope that my studies will enable me to contribute a great deal to the development of the telecommunications field in my country.

(I wonder if you really need the part in italics. You need to focus on yourself.)

Having been in telecommunications for one year, I have come to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. In addition to this, education in this field is not given at a graduate level in my country in the way I expected. Thus, I have decided to pursue a Master of Science degree in Broadband Telecommunication Technology at your university to strengthen my knowledge. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Obtaining this degree from your university will not only strengthen my knowledge in the field and my ability to cope with the fast advancement in the technology, but will also help me to fulfill my dream to see all thepeople in my country use all the same telecom services that are currently available for everyone in the developed countries.

With my strong acadamic background and relevant working experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I also believe that I can make a significant contribution to this program.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

[name]

Benwhitney · Answer

Hi Clive,
I like u'r comments.I want ot change the master programm Broadband Telecommunication to Mobile Communication.

The content is the same.But there are some changes.So will u check out this changes?

thanks

Ben

I, [name], am a [X] year old Electrical Engineer who is interested in Science and Engineering and has a head for it. I am currently employed by a leading telecommunications company in [country's name].

I graduated in July 2005 from [X] University, [country's name] with a first class honor degree in Electrical Engineering. During my study, I was exposed to the basic principles of communication systems, which filled me with enthusiasm. Driven with the passion for communication system, I specialized myself in communication system for my final year courses as well as for my final year project, entitled ‘Accessing Database through Telephone line’.

Upon graduation, I joined [X Corporation], the well known telecom service provider in [country's name], which gives me an opportunity to apply my knowledge in real life application. Now I am working as a Mobile Communication Project Engineer in BSS (Base Station Subsystem) and MSS (Mobile Switching Subsystem) of <X>, <Y> & <Z> mobile network. And I am also the one who authorized to be user representative of my company for the different GSM (Global Solution for Mobile Communication) expansions project acceptance test with different foreign network vendors such as <X>, <Y> and <Z>.

In my work, I am responsible for controlling and optimizing the mobile network to fulfill customers’ expectations. With my dedication, determination and outstanding problem solving skills, I deliver a high quality result in all areas of my work. As a team player, I have been involved in various mobile projects and have performed well because of my adaptation skills.

Since my country, [country's name], has not gone as such a great step in the mobile technology, it has been my dream to contribute for the development of this technology in the country. Incase if you don’t know, [country's name] is now at take off in telecommunication technology lately. The expansion of the mobile network across the country is the main sector that [the country's] government is focusing on recently. As part of this project, the mobile service became operational in urban area which was limited in rural area before. This all projects are done by [the country's] Telecommunication Corporation where I am working now. [The country's] Telecommunication Corporation, the one and only mobile service provider in the country, is by now implementing various mobile projects which are new to my country including Road Coverage Mobile Project and Implementation of 3^rd generation GSM project in all over the country. My company has signed a new agreement with <X>, <Y> and <Z> network vendors to accomplish these new projects successfully for the next 4 years. As a citizen and off course as per motivation and desire to study mobile communication, my study will contribute a lot in the implementation of these projects in my future carrier.

Having been in mobile communication field for one year, I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. In addition to this, the field is not given at a graduate level in my country in the way I expected. Thus, I decided to pursue a Master of Science degree in Mobile Communications in your university to strengthen my knowledge and participate in the development of mobile technology in my country. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Obtaining a quality of master of science from your university will not only strengthen my knowledge in the field to cope up with the fast advancement in the technology but will also help me to fulfill my dream to see all people in my country getting all mobile services that are currently available for all people in the developed countries but not in my country such as SMS, GPRS and others. And I am sure my dream comes true by obtaining a quality of master science from university.

I have a desire to do my post-master project on implementing EDGE (Enhanced Data rates for Global Evolution) that allow [X corporation], GSM Operator, to use existing GSM radio bands to offer IP based multimedia services and applications at maximum speed of 384kbps with a bit rate of 48kbps per timeslot and up to 69.2 kbps per timeslot in good radio condition.

With my strong acadamic background and relevant working experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I also believe that I can make significant contribution to this program.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

[name]

Please give me advice about my motivation letter

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